Imagine this: you’re curled up on the couch with a steaming mug of hot chocolate in your freezing hands, a blanket over your legs, watching a classic movie with your loved one! Your partner steals a glance at you and a wave of excitement grips over. It is in this one look and in these quiet moments of connection and joy that the word "love" comes to mind. 

But is it all there is to love? No, rather love is the sacred thread that binds us to all people and things. It is the force that drives us to build, nurture, and revel in our relationships and connections with others as well as the world around us. Love transcends the boundaries of the self! Love is not just a feeling, but a way of being that we can weave into every breath, every action, every aspect of our lives. It is the ultimate expression of our unity with all that is. Think about the love you share with your best friend or your grandma. The barista remembering your order, that stranger offering directions – that’s a form of love story too, just of a different kind, the unheard kind! 

But, too often we're so caught up in our minds that we miss experiencing love in the present moment with our whole hearts. Salzberg's teachings are all about stripping away the mental baggage to see your relationships - and yourself - with amazing clarity. She guides you to cultivate unconditional love on multiple levels. She'll help you create heartfelt bonds with friends and family, and approach each day with gratitude. 

Let’s start creating real love connections through the following simple strategies:

Are you a good liar? Have you ever looked someone in the face and cooked up a totally believable story on spot? With varying degrees of success, but you’ve definitely done it! How can we tell? Because humans are excellent storytellers! Our brain loves structure. It likes to make sense out of things. So, it writes its own fan fiction to process your life events. Or even glosses over the details you don’t like. 

By this logic, there is a good chance that your personal narratives are not the whole truth. Sometimes, what we remember clearly, never happened like that.  But they become internalized, thereby misleading us. These stories become the core narratives that shape our entire mindset, our self-image, and our worldview, without us even realizing it. Consider Mark, for example. After being turned down for a promotion at work, he ignored valid concerns about company restructuring and convinced himself that he was "inadequate" and destined for professional failure. This feeling of not being good enough had been with Mark since he was young, convincing him to think that the job setback was entirely his and only his fault. 

Another thing: The way we interpret things and what we take away from experiences is also shaped by the reactions we pick up from people around us. Let's look at Mia. Growing up in her sports-obsessed community, tech whizz Mia felt like the odd one out, facing jokes from friends and family. Luckily, she also had someone who saw the good in her. Her older brother appreciated her talent for coding. Over time, Mia's family started to understand and like her passion for technology, making her feel good about being herself.

One thing is clear. Whether we’re telling stories about others or ourselves, we’re unreliable narrators. So, it becomes important to consider the perspective from which the story is being told. Thismight also help you reframe it! 

Our self-narratives also influence how we process our emotions. More on it next!

If you feel like you've become a pressure cooker of upsetting experiences, you’re not alone. But here's the truth: suppressing those tough emotions is like keeping the lid on a boiling pot – it might stay contained for a while, but eventually, it'll explode, making things worse.

Sharon Salzberg discovered this firsthand after her friend's suicide. She tried to meditate away her grief, but a wise monk saw through it. He encouraged her to let it all out, and guess what? The tears brought her more relief than any amount of forced positivity.

The thing is, it's not just grief we bottle up. Shame, especially, loves to whisper lies in our ear, making us feel isolated and unworthy of love. Most of the times, we are shameful of things over which we had no control, yet it becomes formidable. Just like Patty, who carried the burden of her parents' alcoholism in silence. She feared judgment from her classmates. The secret ate away at her self-esteem. She made her feelings of worthlessness her whole identity. That’s how shame weakens us.

But the good news is we can break free! Instead of shoving down those difficult feelings, we can process them, like gently weeding a garden. Meditation and mindfulness can be our gardening tools, and forgiveness, not necessarily of others, but of ourselves, allows love and joy to finally bloom again.

It took Salzberg years of meditation to realize she needed to forgive in order to come to terms with her abandonment issues - her mother's death when she was 9, her father's disappearance at 4. Once she did that she also realized she had enough inner love to give them despite her sorrow or brokenness. This allowed her to make space for acceptance rather than being solely defined by those feelings.

So, you see! By welcoming difficult emotions, understanding their message, and then letting them go gracefully, we build emotional resilience and foster stronger connections of love with ourselves and others. 

You know what’s another tough emotion? Jealousy!!

You’re scrolling through Instagram, comparing your life to everyone's perfectly curated highlight reels. Feeling a pang of envy when your colleague gets promoted or your friend announces their dream job. Been there? That jealousy monster can be tough to tame!

But what if, instead of letting jealousy take over, we could harness the power of other people's happiness? It's not about pretending to be okay with every win, but about tapping into something called sympathetic joy.

Imagine your best friend landing a starring role in a play. Instead of picturing yourself stuck in a community theatre forever, try examining why their success triggers you. Maybe it's a secret hope for your own acting career, or a buried fear of never getting recognition. By understanding these deeper emotions responsible for your jealousy, you can start the journey forward. 

Now, don't beat yourself up for feeling jealous – we're human, after all! Instead, be kind to yourself. Imagine saying to your inner critic, "Hey, jealousy happens, but let's explore this and move on." Maybe even give it a funny nickname, like "the green goblin of comparison." Humour can be a great deflator!

Lastly, keep in mind that others’ success is not from your lot. There’s enough for everyone! Challenge the belief that there's a finite pool of success. Just because your friend got that book deal, doesn't mean yours isn't waiting around the corner. Remember, the world is teeming with opportunities – open your mind to the abundance, to the more out there!

A study conducted at University of California in Santa Barbara by a professor of psychology, Shelly Gable, showed that the way couples get excited and happy for each other's good news matters way more for a long-lasting relationship than how they deal with the bad stuff. Sympathetic joy through the little daily wins really makes that trusting, tight-knit bond.

Alright, emotions dealt with - now let's be nice to people.

Playwright Lillian Hellman famously said, “People change and forget to tell each other.” In relationships, silence screams louder than words. Unexpressed feelings and needs leave gaps, and our anxious minds fill them with negativity. Your distracted partner may be stressed about work pressure or a potential workplace layoff. But you might interpret their silence as disinterest, fuelling your own insecurities.

Instead, try a sprinkle of kindness - to yourself and to everyone else. Kindness is a gentle mirror that reflects back our inherent worth and value. Makes us rewrite the stories we tell ourselves with more compassion, more empathy, more grace. A simple, "Hey, you seem lost in thought. Is everything okay?" can work wonders. This eliminates your anxieties, shows support, and opens the door for communication. Studies by the Gottman Institute in Washington, a pioneer in studying healthy relationships, prove it: kindness is the ultimate predictor of marital success. It helps navigate conflict calmly, preventing the situation from getting blown way out of proportion.

Not saying you should bury your true feelings. Anger happens, but there's a right way to deal with it; like explaining how their actions hurt you builds bridges instead of walls. Agreed, it can be difficult, especially if you feel wronged. Our ingrained sense of "fairness" often fuels this defensiveness.

But what if fairness isn't a fixed notion? Salzberg suggests a "willingness to begin again." Ditch the scorekeeping and don't get stuck on who's right or who deserves more. See yourselves as “co-sponsors”, working together to create a happier life for both. This helps build a deep sense of loving connection.

Cool? Now let's explore the power of intimacy.

In every intimate relationship, there are three elements: us, our loved one, and the space that lies between. That in-between space is rich with possibility, but it can also become an inhospitable no-fly zone. So, how do we strike a balance between privacy and intimacy?

See, sometimes this space is physical, like temperature control fight over AC. Other times, emotional and deeper like unspoken feelings. As always, we either bottle it up or start making up stuff assuming what our loved ones want. Both mess it up! Bill discovered true freedom in his relationship when he stopped demanding to be the constant center of his wife, Gina's, world, suffocating their connection. Gina wanted a solo trip and he realized that true love respects both individual needs and shared desires. 

So, navigating the space between is about respecting each other's needs, and boundaries while still feeling that spark. Hard in practice, but a 100% effective! John and Julie Gottman spent four decades in deciphering the love code. They discovered that happy couples don't avoid conflict; they face it with kindness and understanding. No finger-pointing, no scorekeeping, just an assumption that their partner's heart is in the right place. This creates a magical force field they call "emotional safety," where vulnerability thrives and love flourishes. Based on this safety net, they could predict relationship success with almost scary accuracy of 90%!

So, what does this mean for us mere mortals? Nurture the space between, and you nurture the soul of your relationship!

Moving on! Salzburg wants you to practice the art of setting low expectations!

Stop right now. Pause and take a deep breath. Stay present in this moment. Now, look around. Look at the people and the interactions. Now think about your closest relationships - friends, family, partner. When was the last time you truly connected with them? Allowed yourself to be fully attentive and emotionally engaged?

Love lies in the simple act of presence - show up fully for life itself! See the craving for happiness in everyone, and in every mundane interaction. Almost always, we're so caught up in the stories playing out in our own minds that we rush through moments without truly being present. We miss not only receiving love, but also the chance to create it through simple acts of kindness. Every little gesture can strengthen connections and brighten everyone's day.

Take Salzberg’s student Chloe, for example. Crying on a crowded train after a tough breakup, she felt alone and ashamed. But then, a woman offered a tissue and a kind smile. That small gesture shifted her whole mood, and we’re 100% that woman felt the same!

Here's where it gets a little tricky - responding with kindness to people outside our circle! We tend to judge them quickly, assuming we have nothing in common because we see them from a broad lens. But that limits us! For example, a writer friend of Salzberg at a Midwestern University dinner of English Department judged a woman based on her appearance. He assumed that she wasn't educated enough, until she surprised him by discussing her love for classic literature. Judging kept him isolated, while curiosity opened the door to connection.

Fear and prejudice often make us see people as "others", and not act kind to them but we forget something important: we're all human. South Africa's Truth and Reconciliation Commission shows the effect of allowing ourselves to connect with the enemy. The Commission let the victims shared their painful stories face-to-face with the perpetrators. And the perpetrators had to listen and acknowledge the harm they caused. Heart-wrenching, but this shows that recognizing our shared humanity helps us overcome differences and builds compassion.

We have one more lesson of real love for you.

Have you ever felt like happiness is a butterfly, flying just out of reach? You chase it, whispering, "When I get the dream job, the perfect apartment, the billionaire bank balance, or finally find the right partner, then I'll be truly happy." But what if true happiness isn't some final grand prize, but a million tiny sparkles scattered around you right now?

And just so you know, happiness is NOT the absence of every other emotion! As we said, bottling up tough emotions like jealousy and anger, won't make them disappear. Your mind will be at peace only after understanding and addressing it. And then, choose to focus on the good!

Life can also throw curveballs that leave you feeling disappointed. Remember that time you were planning the perfect weekend getaway, only to have it ruined by unexpected circumstances? Frustration might cloud your vision like it did with Salzberg on her vacation when she was trying to capture a beautiful rainbow only to be ruined by her old phone. She was reminded to focus on the good when two women appreciated the pink clouds that took over the sky after the rainbow disappeared.

Experiencing awe and connection with the world and others is a minute away from you! According to a research conducted at University of California by Psychology professors Paul Piff and Dacher Keltner, students who spent time looking at the beauty of tall eucalyptus trees were kinder to a passer-by who has tripped when compared to students who gazed at concrete buildings. That's right, one minute of awe led to an act of kindness!

Be curious about the world around you, the people in it, and even your own emotions. Remember, life is woven with joy, pain, and everything in between. So, happiness isn't a destination, but a journey fuelled by wonder, connection, and the courage to be fully present. So, open your eyes, unleash your curiosity, and watch the world bloom with happiness, one tiny spark at a time.