The Gap and the Gain

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Introduction

Remember Will Smith’s “The Pursuit of Happyness”? The film was based on a true story about a man who had nothing and his struggle towards success. It was a big hit of its time and truly memorable with just one big concern: Nothing against Will Smith, we love him! But it’s the title of the movie we’re not a fan of. And it’s not limited to that movie - there are several other movies and renowned books with the same title – “The Pursuit of Happiness.” Even the American Declaration of Independence defines pursuit of happiness as one of the unalienable Rights. What’s our issue with it?

Well, according to Webster, ‘pursuit’ means ‘to follow or chase.’ 'Chasing' happiness makes it feel like it's not really part of your life yet. And that's exactly the mindset trap that makes you feel you're never quite "there" when it comes to success and happiness. You achieve a goal, but then it's on to the next pursuit, the next box to check before you are finally happy. Never appreciating how far you've actually come. Time to stop pursuing this far-off happiness!

Happiness is within you. It’s not something you get! It’s something to be felt! In every waking moment. With the book “The Gap and the Gain” by Dan Sullivan and Benjamin Hardy as your journey guide, we’ll rewrite the internal script from "I'll be happy when..." to "I am happy because..."

Shatter the "GAP" Mindset!

Okay! It's established that we've been duped into thinking happiness is some reward for "making it" in life. Now, let's start with blasting that notion into oblivion! Happiness isn't a pursuit, it's your starting point! Dr. Barbara L. Fredrickson's broaden-and-build theory is a literal proof of it! She found that positive emotions like joy, gratitude and serenity don't just feel good - they actually broaden your mind, allowing you to see more possibilities. This positive mindset becomes the catalyst for growth and high performance. What that means is happiness is the starting point! The spark that creates momentum for growth, not something you acquire at the end.

And negative emotions? They create a GAP mindset. In the "GAP" mindset, you're desperately chasing happiness from external sources. No fun, only misery! And that just breeds an unhealthy obsession, where you "need" things to be whole. But!! When you shift to the GAIN mindset, you're driven by your inner motivations. You transform external events into fuel for self-improvement. And that makes all the difference. Happiness is not being enslaved by unhealthy "needs" and being liberated by chosen "wants." Not to be confused with being a couch potato, who has no aim in life. Heard of Trevor Lawrence? In April 2021, the Clemson quarterback stated he didn't "need" football to feel worthy as a person. His point? You can be 100% committed to something you're passionate about, while being detached from "needing" it for your self-worth. It's about balance - having an intense drive to succeed, yet not deriving your entire identity and happiness from that pursuit. Be like Trevor, people!

Know what else encourages the GAP mindset? Comparisons.

Break Free from the Comparison Trap and Redefine Success

Theodore Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Our world bombards us with messages that shape our desires and goals. But true happiness comes from within, not from external comparisons.

The speaker Zig Ziglar captured it perfectly: "Your input determines your outlook. Your outlook determines your output, and your output determines your future."

Focusing on external factors like social media feeds puts you in a constant state of "The GAP" - a place where you measure yourself against unrealistic ideals. This leads to low self-esteem and depression, loss of self-identity and purpose, and chasing unfulfilling goals.

The key to happiness is to find your own "GAIN" - progress based on your own journey.

Here's how to break free from the GAP: Focus on internal reference points. Only compare yourself to your past self. Start minimizing social media consumption. It fuels the comparison trap. Finally, identify your own values and goals. Ask what truly matters to you? And don't just ask, grab a pen and paper, and put it on paper. Jot down ten specific things that represent success in your life. Maybe it's having daily quality time with your kids, or the freedom to volunteer at animal shelters. Get as detailed as possible - your list should be uniquely yours. Then, the next time an opportunity comes knocking, use this list as your personal success meter. Does the new opportunity align with your version of success? If not, it might be time to pass, no matter how shiny it looks on the surface. That's how you become the author of your own success story!

Take action by journaling about your internal vs. external reference points. Reflect on your social media usage. Is it helping or hurting you? Also, define your personal definition of success and happiness.

By focusing on your own GAIN, you will become self-determined and free to find true fulfillment.

In the next section, we’ll discuss how disastrous living in a GAP mindset can be.

The way you perceive your life influences your actions and choices

You live in the GAP when your mindset is negative, right? Anything and everything around you doesn’t seem to be good enough, thereby making you anxious and angry. It's a cycle of stress that not only zaps your happiness but also takes a toll on your body. Studies show chronic stress can accelerate aging by messing with how your genes function.Think of it like this: short bursts of stress, like a challenging workout, can actually be beneficial (called "hormetic stress"). But the GAP is like hundreds of tiny cuts throughout the day – microtraumas that add up over time. Research suggests this "toxic stress" overwhelms your system, weakening your immune response.One study found unhappy employees take an average of 15 extra sick days per year. Another study showed people with higher happiness levels fought off a cold virus better.There's an antidote to this GAP – the GAIN. Studies even show optimists, who focus on the positive, the GAIN, can live a decade longer than pessimists! Before you ask, we’ll answer the next evident question: How to start living in the GAIN?Living in GAIN translates to living with a positive mindset – living happily and healthily. First, surround yourself with people who can pull you back from sliding into the GAP phase. It could be a close friend or a family member, your neighbor or even a trusted pen-friend!Second, start acknowledging the progress you've made, no matter how small. Each accomplishment, big or little, is a testament to your effort and growth. Pat yourself on the back for those stubborn weeds you pulled out from your life, for they paved the way for beautiful blooms. Every experience, even the challenging ones, adds to the richness of your life story. But unfortunately, it’s easy to forget about these GAINS because we tend to remember things based on how we feel now, not how we felt back then. Why? It’s because our brains are funny things. They're wired to remember bad experiences more than good ones. It's a survival tactic from way back, but not so helpful these days. Psychologists call this "automaticity" - like learning to ride a bike, we stop noticing the effort once we get good at it.Here’s the problem: without keeping track of your wins, those victories get lost in the shuffle. You forget how far you've come and might feel discouraged. And for that exact reason, we suggest...

The only progress you can achieve is the progress you measure

We’re happy when we have a sense that we’re making progress toward our goals. But how to truly define this progress? We need to base it on concrete goals. Vague and general goals like “success” or “wealth” or being more like someone you admire can’t lead you to the feeling of progress. When we set goals, we must be specific so we know when they’re accomplished—usually, a number was reached or an event took place. Only being able to make a specific measurement will let you know that progress has been made. In a nutshell, there’s no progress without measurement.

Let’s get clear on what your measuring stick should look like. Sullivan uses three words for it: “Only Measure Backwards!” Let’s understand this.

The future isn’t a reality—it’s a projection. And because it’s not reality, does it sound sensible to make it a part of any real measurement of your progress? Of course not! Now, on the contrary, when you measure goals backward, against the past, you’re using the reality of where you started and where you currently are.

For all the people saying, “I never look backward, only forward!” sorry to burst your bubble but you’ve got it wrong. As ironic as it may sound, it is important to go backward to move forward.

Here’s a short guide on how to measure backward: Journaling or doing an annual review of your former self in different time frames helps you see the massive GAINS. Compare your current situation with your situation 10 years back. It should be more profound – the way your mindset has developed, the difficult or stressful events you faced and the lessons you learned from them. Don’t limit it to material wealth and social stature. Then compare your current situation with your situation 5 years back, 3 years back and 90 days back, in a similar way.

This little trip down memory lane will remind you that you're tougher than you think! You've overcome challenges and grown a lot, even in the past 90 days. This injects a fresh dose of hope, motivation, confidence, and resilience – exactly what you need to stay in the GAIN.

Moving on! The authors have a powerful tool to keep you in the GAIN – always!

GAIN Time Before Bedtime

So yeah, GAIN is something you can practice throughout the day. But, there is one "sweet spot" hour in your day that has the biggest impact on it - the 60 minutes right before bedtime. What you do during this time can literally make-or-break your GAIN mindset.We can't emphasize enough the immense potential this nighttime hour holds! This one hour positively shapes not just your sleep quality, but your entire next day as well. How? Because your behaviors and thoughts leading up to bedtime essentially code your habits and mindset for the next day. Kayla Harrison, two-time Olympic judo gold medalist, used this hour like this: "Every night I visualize myself winning the Olympics, standing on the podium, hearing the national anthem." And look where she got!So, we can't just waste this awesome hour without a plan, right? Here's what the authors suggest:Step 1) Around 30-60 minutes before bed, put all gadgets on airplane mode. Their pings and LED lights and the pesky blue light, all disrupt high-quality sleep. Step 2) Get out a physical journal. First, write down 3 specific wins or accomplishments from the day, no matter how small or ordinary you might think they are. Did you finally make your bed after waking up? Write it down! So what if Mom thinks this is not a 'win'! It's a never-done-before chore for you! That's a victory worth celebrating.Step 3) Next, write down 3 meaningful wins you want to achieve tomorrow. Don't overload with busy work - these should excite and motivate you. Now for the science behind this plan. First, there's a psychological principle called "self-signaling." It basically says your behaviors shape your self-identity and mindset. If you mindlessly scroll social media at night, you're signaling to yourself that you're an aimless, easily distracted person. Then that becomes a self-fulfilling reality. Then you do it again and again and yet again! Strict no to that! Second, by reviewing GAINS and defining wins right before bed, you're directing your subconscious mind to work on making it happen during sleep. What you focus on before bed imprints into your long-term memory and primes your brain for the next day. It dictates when you'll wake up, how committed you'll feel to your goals, and how effective you'll be in pursuing them. And it teaches your brain to spot "Gains" over "Gaps." But what about the days when everything feels in...

Reframe negative experiences into GAIN

Look, stuff happens. But when we see it as the GAP in our perfect plan, it leaves us feeling powerless and stuck. the secret to avoid that? Reframing those experiences as the GAIN!When you see an experience as a gain, you decide its meaning. Every experience, especially the bumpy ones, is a chance to grow. Did that missed promotion teach you valuable negotiation skills? You bet! By focusing on what you learned, you turn setbacks into stepping stones.We can't change the past, but we can choose how we see it. Reframing past experiences empowers you to learn from them and move forward stronger. Learn this from Steve Jobs. In 1985, he was ousted from Apple, the company he co-founded. This setback was devastating, but Jobs chose to see it as an opportunity. He founded NeXT and purchased Pixar, both of which became successful ventures.NeXT’s technology later helped rejuvenate Apple when the company acquired it in 1996, leading to Jobs’s return. Under his leadership, Apple launched iconic products like the iMac, iPod, iPhone, and iPad, transforming the company into a tech giant.Jobs’s initial failure at Apple could have ended his career, but he turned it into a catalyst for innovation and growth. By reframing his experience, he was able to turn a seemingly negative event into a tremendous gain. Sullivan actually has a specific exercise for it: The Experience Transformer, which will help you turn any event into a stepping stone.Here's how it works:Step 1) Grab your journal and pick an experience - positive, negative, it doesn't matter.Step 2) Ask yourself these key questions: What did I learn from this experience that can help me improve? What aspects actually worked well? What do I want to avoid repeating in the future? Knowing what I know now, how would I approach similar situations differently? What am I grateful for in this experience?By answering these questions, you take ownership of your experiences and reframe them in a positive light. You become empowered, resilient, show growth and GAIN a positive outlook. These GAINS make you realize you control the meaning you attach to your experiences. Past events don't define you - you decide how they shape your future.To rock The Experience Transformer, you’ll need psychological flexibility. It means that you manage your emotions, they don’t manage you. It means you can move forward toward your goals even when setbacks occur. This helps you bounce...

Summary

Happiness isn't a far-off destination - it's right here, waiting for you to notice it. All it wants from you is shifting your focus from the GAP to the GAINS. That's all it takes to create happiness. So, celebrate your wins, and transform your mindset before bedtime, tonight. With these tools in your arsenal, you're actively building a better, happier life, one GAIN at a time. Ready to flip the script and start living in the GAIN?

Key concepts in The Gap and the Gain

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About the Author

Dan Sullivan is the world’s foremost expert on entrepreneurship and has coached more successful entrepreneurs than anyone on the planet. He is the cofounder of Strategic Coach®, the leading entrepreneurial coaching program in the world, and author of more than 50 publications on entrepreneurial success. Over the past 30-plus years, Strategic Coach has provided teaching and training to more than 20,000 entrepreneurs.

More on: gapandgainbook.com