We all know the health basics:  exercise, eat veggies, sleep well, count steps, and maybe see a therapist. But something crucial is missing from this picture. As Kasley Killam reveals in her groundbreaking book, there's a crucial third element beyond physical and mental health - social health. In her 2024 book, she reveals that without meaningful human connection, we're neglecting this vital component of our health!

The book offers a three-part journey: First, we evaluate your social health, then some practical steps to strengthen your social health, and finally we'll examine social health exercised in various contexts - neighborhoods, workplaces, such stuff. Let's get healthy!

Health has evolved dramatically throughout history. From attributing headaches to demons to understanding the dangers of smoking, we've made incredible progress. Today, most of us recognize two key pillars of health: physical (caring for our bodies) and mental (caring for our minds).

But there's a crucial third dimension we've overlooked: social health – the wellbeing that comes from our connections with others.

Think of overall health as a three-column structure. Physical health, mental health, and social health work together – strengthen one, and you bolster the others. When John struggles with alcoholism, a supportive community helps him recover physically and mentally too.

The science is compelling. Studies following billions of people show that weak social connections increase mortality risk by 11-53%, comparable to smoking or obesity! Strong relationships also boost immune function and help prevent everything from colds to heart disease.

Take Lexi, who cared for her terminally ill father. Connecting with fellow caregivers provided essential support during her darkest moments. As she said, "Having support made me a better caregiver because I was taken care of."

Yet most health advice ignores relationships entirely. We're told to exercise and eat vegetables but rarely reminded to nurture our connections.

Social health is for everyone – not just the lonely. It's about thriving, not just surviving. And it's preventive – don't wait until loneliness hits to invest in relationships.

Your relationships aren't just nice to have. They're essential for living longer, healthier, and happier. And with that, let's analyze your relationships!

Ever wondered how to gauge your social health and improve it another notch? Just as you can sense when your body feels good or when you're coming down with something, you can evaluate your relationship landscape too.

Killam offers a straightforward three-step approach. First, identify your sources of connection: your close relationships (those "pinned to the top" of your messages), your communities (like workplaces or hobby groups), and even casual interactions with acquaintances.

Second, assess the strength of these connections. Are they mutual? As Killam shares from personal experience, being the eternal listener without opening up can limit relationship depth. Are they meaningful? Research shows relationship quality trumps quantity for wellbeing. Three good friends might be all you need to flourish. Now that you know where you are at you can decide where to go next.

We’ll cover more detail later, but briefly, choose your strategy. Need more connections? "Stretch" by meeting new people. Feel overwhelmed? "Rest" by scaling back. Want deeper bonds? "Tone" your existing relationships. Happy with your connections? "Flex" by maintaining what works.

Killam provides a worksheet for this assessment, asking you to list key relationships, rate your satisfaction with each, and determine whether to strengthen, maintain, or step back from them.

Next, we'll explore what robust social health looks like and the factors that help or hinder it.

Social health is as unique as you are. In Killam's exploration, she introduces us to her friend Taylor – the ultimate friend who's been in 13 weddings and maintains deep connections with countless people. But here's the lesson: Taylor's approach isn't the only "right way" to be socially healthy.

Killam identifies four social health styles: Butterflies enjoy frequent, casual connections; Wallflowers prefer occasional, lighter interactions; Fireflies (like the author herself) thrive on infrequent but meaningful connections; and Evergreens like Taylor flourish with regular, deep relationships.

No style is superior – they're simply different approaches reflecting our personalities. Introverts might be Wallflowers or Fireflies, while extroverts tend toward Butterfly or Evergreen styles.

Whatever your style, there's still some social habits that correspond with the highest amount of well-being. The author offers a practical 5-3-1 guideline to build those habits: connect with five different people weekly, maintain at least three close relationships, and spend one hour daily on meaningful social interaction.

Strong social health also means having diverse connections rather than relying solely on one relationship. Research shows that different relationships fulfill different needs, and having varied sources of connection improves well-being.

Before you can connect meaningfully with others, however, you need a solid foundation with yourself through self-compassion and self-awareness.

Understanding your style and the barriers you face sets the stage for developing strategies to cultivate the connections that will truly nourish you. More on it next!

Nancy's life wasn't always easy. From childhood emotional distance to divorce at 48, she’s seen it all. Yet she made connections with her "guiding light" - decorating her home with family photos, maintaining multiple community groups, and creating traditions like summer gatherings.

Her approach teaches us our first valuable strategy: join groups even when it feels uncomfortable, find others with shared experiences, stay involved in community activities, and befriend people of all ages.

But many of us face a major obstacle to social health: busyness. A Princeton study showed that theology students were less likely to help someone in distress if they were in a hurry. See the irony? When we're constantly occupied, we miss opportunities to connect.

Another obstacle is that some consider relationships a luxury when struggling financially. The research disagrees - connection is a necessity. Small actions like chatting with your barista or sending a quick text to a friend cost nothing yet fill your social cup.

Try these simple practices: Create a To-Love List - names in a bowl you draw from daily. Then, say a prayer for that person and keep them in your thoughts throughout the day. Also, schedule regular meetups to put relationships on autopilot. Or you could try using downtime to call friends instead of scrolling through social media.

Making social health a priority might feel like work at first, but with time, it becomes a natural, joyful way of life. So let’s look at how you can build your social muscles.

Just as we go to the gym to keep our bodies strong, we need to constantly  work on our relationships to maintain social health. Killam discovered this through her college experiment -108 consecutive days of performing acts of kindness for others.

Her daily "social workouts" ranged from leaving encouraging notes in campus bathrooms to handing out balloons downtown. The results were remarkable. Despite spending less time on schoolwork, her grades improved. Her physical health, career opportunities, and overall happiness flourished too.

Killam offers several approaches to strengthen our social muscles. We can pursue hobbies with others. Doing what you love alongside others creates natural bonds. One simple shared interest can bring together people across cultural and ability differences. Volunteering helps too.

When talking with others, deeper questions create meaningful connections. Killiam shares her memorable encounter with Christos, a cobbler with poor Yelp reviews. By simply asking about his life story, she discovered his journey from poverty in Greece to business ownership in America, complete with love, loss, and resilience. Expressing vulnerability selectively, showing genuine gratitude, setting boundaries, and performing acts of kindness all serve as effective relationship strengtheners.

Soon, we'll see social fitness gyms, connection coaches, and even doctors "prescribing" community activities. The emerging social wellness industry will provide structured support for our relationship needs.

Now! Remember, you don't need a complete overhaul to improve your social health. Small steps count too. As we'll see next.

You don't need to walk 10,000 steps for physical health—and you don't need grand gestures for social health either. Research shows even tiny actions make a real difference.

When Killam was 15 in France, not knowing anyone or speaking French, simple kindnesses transformed her experience. A boy noticed her dictionary and chatted with her. A girl invited her to lunch with "Yoo eet wizz us?" Classmates made her birthday cards. These small acts sparked friendships that have lasted decades.

We consistently underestimate how much our outreach matters. Studies show people appreciate our messages, kind acts, and gratitude far more than we think they will. This misperception often stops us from reaching out when we should.

Want to boost your social fitness? Try talking on the phone for ten minutes with someone homebound. Or prioritize eating together—family dinners have declined dramatically across generations. Or simply introduce yourself to neighbors - Killam met her future husband this way!

Small steps might feel overwhelming if you're shy or anxious. That's completely normal. The key isn't forcing yourself into uncomfortable situations but finding connection opportunities that feel right for you. Maybe phone calls work better than crowded spaces, or shared activities make conversation flow more naturally than face-to-face chats.

The power to connect is within your reach - you just need to discover which ways of engaging with people work best for you. Our next section will help you do exactly that!

Feeling stuck in your social life? Approach it like a scientist would - with curiosity, objectivity, and persistence and then see the magic happen! Want proof?

Rowan moved to Atlanta for his dream job but felt isolated after a breakup. Instead of giving up, he experimented. Each week for a month, he tried something new: an improv workshop (where he made his first new friend), a craft beer meetup (which wasn't his thing, but taught him what he didn't want), and lunch with a coworker named Linden (who later invited him to a barbecue).

When something didn't click - like the beer club - Rowan didn't take it personally. He saw it as a helpful data point and moved on. Scientists understand that not every experiment yields the desired result!

This scientific mindset is especially useful for guys out there. Men struggle with friendships! Research shows the percentage of men with no close friends jumped from 3% to 15% between 1990 and 2021. That's why initiatives like Australian "men's sheds" offer spaces where guys can tinker with projects while building connections.

Remember that people probably like you more than you think - researchers call this the "liking gap." As psychologist Marisa Franco advises: "Assume people like you." This mindset makes you warmer and more engaging.

But unlike scientists, don't be too critical or too rational with relationships. Listen to your gut feelings about connections, and be kind to yourself when you need breaks from socializing.

And with that practical tip, ends our section two! Remember what section three was about?

Part 3 explores how we can transform social health from an idea into a way of life that extends into our communities and society.

Social health flourishes when we make connection a priority in our neighborhoods. As Killam discovered in Paris's 14th District, a man in the neighborhood made a point of greeting everyone he passed on the street with a “bonjour.” Over time, this created a strong sense of community. Meaning, consistent, low-effort social interactions—like smiling, making eye contact, or greeting strangers—can significantly enhance your sense of connection and well-being.

Patrick Bernard, a former journalist, created "La République des Hyper Voisins" (The Republic of Super Neighbors) by organizing a massive street dinner. Over 1,000 neighbors shared meals together, breaking down barriers that typically keep Parisians apart.

This wasn't just a one-time event. The Super Neighbors meet weekly, maintain WhatsApp groups, tend community gardens, and collaborate on neighborhood improvements. Their motto could easily be what Marie Jobling, founder of the Community Living Campaign, uses in San Francisco: "Turning Strangers into Neighbors, and Neighbors into Friends."

You don't need to move to Paris to build a community. You might revitalize a shared space like Alexander or start a tradition like "Porchfest" that spread from Ithaca to 170+ cities across North America. Btw, Porchfest is simply a gathering where residents turn their porches into stages and musicians perform for free. And as for Alexander, this young man with Down syndrome struggled to make friends and used a microgrant to build an outdoor seating area at his gym where people could relax and connect beyond workout small talk. That's community social health done right!

FYI, research shows neighborhoods with stronger social ties had fewer COVID-19 cases and deaths. After Japan's 2011 earthquake and tsunami, interpersonal relationships proved more important for survival than medical supplies or shelter.

Now, let's talk about social health in workplaces!

Work and technology fill most of our waking hours. Americans typically spend 90,000 hours working throughout their lives, while globally people average over six hours daily online. How we connect during this time fundamentally shapes our social health.

Having a workplace friend transforms our experience. Research shows that employees with a "best friend at work" are seven times more engaged and produce higher-quality work. The reverse is equally telling - lonely employees cost companies around $4,200 annually in lost productivity.

Different companies approach workplace community differently. DaVita healthcare transformed themselves by creating a "village" culture where employees became "citizens" with a shared identity. And then there’s Gumroad, where founder Sahil Lavingia encourages part-time, remote work so employees can prioritize family and personal interests.

Also, the key often is using technology intentionally. Studies reveal that active online engagement builds connection, while passive scrolling increases loneliness. This difference matters in our daily digital habits. For instance, during Courtney's cancer treatment, the CaringBridge platform allowed her to share updates once rather than repeating information constantly, while receiving support from her entire network in one place.

This intentional use stands in stark contrast to AI companions like Replika which show that  non-human connections just cannot fulfill social needs. The Koko peer-support platform tried integrating AI-written responses, but ultimately abandoned the experiment because "simulated empathy feels weird and hollow."

The technology itself isn't the issue - it's how we use it! Screens can't replace human touch. But they sure can help build bridges to real connection!

We've officially reached the culmination of our exploration of social health. Social health is both an individual experience and a societal condition that requires balanced attention at personal and systemic levels.

In Barcelona, city leaders are tackling loneliness through a smart strategy that builds on their existing strengths: walkable neighborhoods, community spaces, and a culture that values togetherness. Their goal? Move beyond fighting loneliness to actively promoting connection by 2030.

Healthcare is joining the movement too. At SCAN Health Plan, CEO Sachin Jain created the position of "chief togetherness officer." Their program pairs volunteers with older adults for weekly calls, reducing emergency room visits by 43%. As Jain notes, "Healthcare alone is not going to fix this. What we need is a social movement."

Schools offer another crucial opportunity. Richard Weissbourd's team at Harvard developed "relationship mapping" to ensure every student connects with at least one supportive adult. Meanwhile, Danish schools have taught empathy weekly since 1993, recognizing that social skills are as important as academics.

These efforts show we don't need to accept disconnection as inevitable. The good news? You don't need an official title to make a difference. Whether you're chatting with neighbors or calling a friend, small actions add up.

Remember dears, creating a socially healthy society requires both large-scale initiatives and individual choices to prioritize relationships in our daily lives!