How to Meet Your Self

Summary of 8 key concepts

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Introduction

You chose this book for a reason. Maybe deep down, you sense that something essential is missing? Like you're just going through the motions in life? Like there's a voice inside saying "Is this it?" or "There has to be more than this."

Well then, you picked the right book! Nicole LePera's book, How to Meet Your Self, is THE workbook you need to break free from those feelings of being stuck on autopilot. LePera knows what it's like to feel burned out and disconnected from her true self. As a therapist, she found herself exhausted, drifting mindlessly through each week. It took a health crisis to wake her up and prioritize her own needs. Through that journey, she developed powerful practices to reconnect with her authentic self.

In this book, LePera shares those very practices with you. She doesn't just talk about self-discovery - she takes you by hand and walks you through a transformational journey to awaken your most authentic existence. The path won't be easy and she doesn't even sugar-coat that. You'll face the hurt, the skepticism, the deep questioning. But you'll also experience revelations, awakenings, and self-compassion in a way you never have before.

Let’s start this journey, shall we?

Unmask Your Habit Self And Find The True You

Close your eyes for a moment. Breathe deeply. Now imagine your perfect day - the life you'd be living if you became the absolute best version of yourself.

That’s the person you'll become by breaking free from habits that currently keep you stuck on autopilot. And don’t deny that; you ARE on auto-pilot. Be honest - how much of your daily life happens by rote habit rather than active choice? Do you often snap at people when you are overworked, without conscious intention? Are your evenings a loop of snacking, TV bingeing, and beating yourself up over lack of willpower and focus?

If so, you're not alone. Most of us are sleepwalking through this gorgeous phenomenon we call life! Mindlessly replaying the scripts, which btw, are written by you!! Well, more like by your childhood experiences and relationship patterns, really. Things we barely remember, let alone consciously chose. Which is crazy, when you think about it.

Anyway, time to do the set-up!

The first step is committing just 10-15 minutes per day to try the following practices. Grab a notebook and your favorite pens; you’ll need it. Then carve out a cozy nook where you can relax. Then start vividly describing your ideal self. Ideal not just in terms of life goals, or body image, or relationships, but rather a vision of your best life across all domains. Clarifying this intention provides inspiration for your journey.

From there, we build a foundation of inner safety and self-trust. With each session, you'll strengthen your ability to be fully present and become more attuned to your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. This new heightened consciousness allows you to observe your habitual thoughts and behaviors more objectively. As you explore your past experiences and early conditioning without judgment, you'll begin to recognize the origins of your current patterns, gaining valuable insight into why you react and behave the way you do. And just like that, you'll develop the self-trust to author a new way of being!

Sure, this process takes grit - you're essentially re-parenting yourself and overriding neural grooves carved over decades. But, the payoff is awesome!!

Now, about those rote habits.

Becoming Conscious of Your Unconscious Patterns

Are you ready to come face-to-face with the habits and patterns that have been running your life on autopilot? Brace yourself, because this is where the dirty work begins. This section is all about pulling back the curtain to unmask your habit self - that bundle of conditioned thought and behaviors imprinted in your brain from childhood. It won't be pretty at first. In fact, get ready to feel a little shocked, maybe even betrayed, as you realize just how much of your daily life is your habit self in action.Your habit self is made up of all the beliefs, coping mechanisms, and behaviors you developed as a kid to feel safe, loved, and accepted. Maybe you grew up walking on eggshells around an explosive parent, so as an adult you still desperately try to manage everyone's moods. Or perhaps you had an emotionally distant childhood, so you now keep others at arm's length, craving yet fearing intimacy. The good news is we can break these habits – but for this you have to really get to know what these habits are before you can change them. And for that, we have some powerful self-witnessing exercises, that’ll teach you to objectively observe the roots of your unconscious conditioned habits without judgment. You'll get skilled at recognizing when your habit self is at the wheel. FYI, self-witnessing exercises are just some hacks for cultivating consciousness. Close your eyes for a moment. Notice the thoughts floating through your mind. Feel the weight of your body, the rhythm of your breath. Maybe you're aware of sounds around you, or a feeling inside - restlessness, calm, or something else entirely. This awareness? That's consciousness. Simply being awake to your experiences - both inside and outside. It's noticing your thoughts and feelings without getting lost in them. One powerful exercise is the Daily Consciousness Check-In. You set reminders three times daily to pause and notice what you're doing and where your attention is focused. This simple practice helps you become aware of how often you're running on autopilot, making choices unconsciously based on ingrained habits and patterns. It helps you get introspective, and take note without judgment.You could also try The Body Scan. Here, you bring attention to the physical sensations throughout your body. By systematically focusing on different areas from head to toe, you tune into subtle physical experiences you might normally overlook. This...

Developing Body Consciousness

Thanks to your habit self, you've been living disconnected from your physical self for too long. Your tired body has probably been trying to constantly communicate its needs to you through signals like anxiety, stress, hunger pangs, fatigue, muscle tension, and changes in breathing – all signs of a malfunctioning nervous system. Perhaps you’ve even become numb to most of these sensations. All signs of a "trauma body." For many of us, unhealed trauma and chronic stress have caused our nervous systems to get stuck in a constant state of dysregulation or survival mode. It's like our bodies are permanently hitting the panic button, even when there's no actual danger around us. This trauma response can look like anxiously holding our breath, living on high adrenaline, tensing our muscles, or, wait for it, completely disconnecting from physical sensations. This can lead to destructive habits in our autopilot mode – overeating, breakdowns, binge-watching etc.Thankfully, there are ways to rewire your nervous system back to feeling safe and relaxed again. First up, you'll need to fix your habits around eating, moving, and resting. When do you do these things out of habit versus true physical need? For that, you'll start checking in through "body conscious pauses" throughout the day. What are these? Body-conscious pauses are intentional moments throughout your day when you shift your attention to your physical body and its sensations. These pauses help you reconnect with your body, understand its needs, and make more mindful choices about self-care. For example, before eating, ask yourself - am I physically hungry or just emotional? Or before sitting down after work, tune in - does my body need movement to release pent-up energy? After these body check-in pauses, you simply take action based on what you've noted. Just responding to your body's signals in simple, practical ways. If you notice tension, you might take a few deep breaths or do some gentle stretches. Overwhelmed? Consider a brief meditation or stepping away from your current task for a moment. The point is to listen to your body and take small, intentional steps to address its needs. Over time, this practice of pausing, noticing, and responding can lead to reduced stress, improved well-being, and a stronger mind-body connection. Next, you could try the Expanded Range of Eye Motion Exercise - slowly move your eyes to follow your fingers tracing shapes like rectangles and diagonals starting...

Control Your Emotional Self

Alright, we've come a long way on this journey of self-discovery! Now we have another lesson for you - taking control of those overpowering emotions that so often ruin your best intentions. The anger that makes you lash out at loved ones. The sadness that leaves you withdrawn and isolated when you need connection most. That. That’s what we're going to tame. See, your emotions are how your mind and body interact with the world around you. They're like a messaging system; these messages manifest as actual physical sensations in your body. Like if you get criticized at work, you might feel tightness in your chest or your face getting hot and flushed. That's the anger brewing up. Then, it gets interesting. Your mind then takes those bodily signals and assigns meaning to them based on your past experiences and core beliefs. The end result? You’ll get overwhelmed. So if you have an underlying belief that you're not worthy or good enough, that chest tightness from the criticism gets interpreted as shame, fear or rage. Your mind is coloring the raw emotion based on its programming. Get it?Now that you understand the math behind it, it’ll be easier to catch yourself and consciously break this physiological feedback loop. LePera has tons of suggestions on how you can do that. To begin with, pause and get present to the bodily sensations. Notice the shortness of breath or muscle tension. Then intentionally stop them from becoming an overpowering emotion and overwhelming you.That's where practices like Cold Therapy come in. It widens your window of tolerance for feelings of discomfort or intensity. Take slow, deep breaths when experiencing anything stressing. This is to teach your body that temporarily stressful sensations don't have to set off a physiological panic response. Then, turn your attention to your surroundings and look for a Glimmer. Glimmers are positive sensory cues like sunlight, a gentle breeze, cooking aromas, or your favorite music. Let these signals reassure your mind that everything is okay. To get conscious, you could also try filling your journal with a Daily Feeling section, where you pause throughout the day to sense emotions arising in your body. You'll learn to witness and understand your feelings. And as LePera says, “The more clearly you understand how you really feel, the more empowered you will be to navigate these emotions in a different way.”.And don't forget reparenting...

The OG You

Remember when we asked you to imagine your perfect day? That vision you had glimpsed is your authentic self, waiting to be realized. The authentic you is truly at peace. You go about your day with a sense of ease, fully present and engaged in whatever you're doing - whether it's your work, spending time with loved ones, or just savoring a quiet moment alone. Everything is in a flow state, mind-body-soul aligned. No inner critic constantly nagging you or feelings of anxiety and self-doubt clouding your mind. This blissful state of being is actually the essence of your authentic self shining through. Your authentic self is who you are at your core - beyond all the conditioning, people-pleasing habits and coping mechanisms you've picked up over the years just to get by.Think of your authentic self like a pure, undistorted frequency that gets jumbled by past hurts, societal expectations, and your harsh inner voice. Jumbled, not removed. So how do you cut through the static? We've covered some big steps already - witnessing your habits, reconnecting with your body's intuition, taming your emotions. But there’s also the still, silent, and in solitude exercise. We're all so caught up in the daily grind that we hardly ever take a moment to just be! We need to chill out and get in touch with our authentic selves through some quality alone time and silence. To begin, find a quiet place where you can be completely alone, away from distractions and noise. Sit or lie down in a comfortable position. Take a few deep breaths to relax your body. Proceed to clear your mind of any thoughts or worries about the past or future. Simply be present in the moment, bringing your full attention to the silence surrounding you and the stillness within you. With time, you’ll be able to practice this anytime, anywhere! . It’s magical!Now for the capstone - fully embodying and expressing that essential YOU without inhibition or apology. So liberating! But also potentially scary if you're not used to truly being yourself. That's why we'll go step-by-step, peeling back the layers safely and supportively. First, you need to rediscover that childlike freedom of pure self-expression. Remember how effortless it was to sing, dance, get messy with art, or honestly say whatever was on your mind before the world taught you to censor and conform? That uninhibited joy is...

Summary

So, that’s it! This is the path to embodying your authentic self in every aspect of your existence. It's the ultimate level of peace and frankly, your birthright as a human being. Getting there won't always be easy, but you have all the tips and tricks now. Think about how exhausting and constricting it is to walk around fragmented from your core self, day after day after day. Living in-authentically just isn't sustainable. Agreed?

Key concepts in How to Meet Your Self

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About the Author

Dr. Nicole LePera was trained in clinical psychology at Cornell University and The New School for Social Research and also studied at the Philadelphia School of Psychoanalysis. As a clinical psychologist in private practice, Dr. Nicole found herself frustrated by the limitations of traditional psychotherapy. Wanting more for her patients—and for herself—she began a journey to create a unified philosophy of mental, physical and spiritual health that equips people with the tools to heal themselves.

More on: www.harpercollins.com/blogs/authors/dr-nicole-lepera