What if instead of chasing arbitrary goals set by society, you tuned into your deepest desires to create a life overflowing with passion and fulfilment? This is the revolutionary proposition of The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte. This ultimate handbook on personal development based on the power of desires, is all about intelligence of the heart and it’s role in making long-term decisions. Our "rational" society puts way too much pressure on us to check boxes and meet external standards of success. That's why The Desire Map is so brilliant. It gives you permission to dream big, but from the heart instead of the head. However, not all desires are created equal. Some lead us down destructive paths, while others open the doorway to genuine happiness and self-actualization. In this insightful summary, you'll learn to discern your core desired feelings - the ones that guide you toward your highest good. With self-awareness and care, you can harness the motivating power of desire to manifest dreams more thrilling than you ever imagined possible.
So, to kick things off, let's explore the fundamental role desire plays in shaping our human experience.
Desire Makes You Creative And Drives You Towards Goals And Meaning!
What’s the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear the word ‘desire’? A sexual implication, we’re guessing. But a desire is much more than mere animal instinct. It is literally the foundation of our will to live - a wish for something. It is our desires that empower us to aim for grand visions, set goals, and attain our creative potential in the pursuit of those goals. Desires which make us think of ways to fulfil our dreams! Desires which excite us to do something in the first place and make you willingly sacrifice your pleasure time to put in that extra effort. So you see, desires aren't all bad. Just recall your good old school life when you desired something - sports, academics, literature, or even a first crush! Didn't it make you work harder, dream bigger, and come alive with passion and purpose? Didn't it fuel your imagination and encourage you to find creative ways to achieve it. That’s what desires do! Speaking of, LaPorte has an interesting take on unrequited crushes. She says that having a crush on someone ignites our imagination like nothing else - you get super-creative and determined,in an effort to impress or display your liking. For most of us, that first crush is a prime example of how desires can prompt our brain to work overtime. Even as adults, we find creative ways to achieve our desires - finding additional references to get that job, updating our skill set to increase our chances of selection, and so on. In a way, our desire develop our emotional intelligence - especially when it comes to love and relationships! Without the desire to truly know and care for others, we'd stay shut down in our own little bubbles. But choosing to be vulnerable, to reach out with an open heart - that's how we nurture the beautiful bonds that make life so meaningful. Just think about a life without desires - no spark, drive, love, and deep meaning! That’s not living, that’s surviving.Also, our desires say so much about who we are - like a quick peek into our souls! Yes, it sounds super cheesy! But what we wish for, especially those secret little fantasies we'd never tell our friends about, they reveal a lot! Like, haven't you ever caught yourself binge-watching recipes or follow-along drawing tutorials, knowing you're stuck in a corporate...
Your Subjective Feelings Are Worth Your Attention!
Okay, listen up! Your emotions, desires, and gut instincts are 100% real and valid! Yeah, we know, modern society puts more focus on listening to your head than following your heart. Logical thinking and rationality is considered important while making decisions. Blah, blah, blah! And sadly, having feelings is seen as a sign of weakness or irrationality. That's because a feeling is seen as a subjective reality and not a universal fact. Making them unreliable. But c'mon! Aren't your subjective feelings and intuition a type of truth, too? They're just a truth that's unique to you. That doesn't make it baseless, does it? LaPorte believes that subjective feelings and desires matter and must be considered while making big decisions. Let us spin you a tale to explain this. As a child, Tom showed a propensity towards arts and literature but his parents wanted him to choose a medical vocation for the money and respectability it brings. No matter how hard he tried, he wasn’t able to do justice to learning biology, physics and chemistry. Instead, his heart remained with books, and his love for stories and words bypassed his love for the skeletal structure of human beings! So, he harnessed the power of his desires to make a life for himself. Eventually, Tom became an author and was loved for his storytelling. For Tom, the subjective feelings and love for literature were valid and brought success, happiness, and even prosperity in his life. So, yeah! Your subjective feelings might not be universal facts, but they are true for you. Learn to listen to them and let them guide your journey. Paying attention to what you feel is important. Dare to be a person who does not suppress feelings. It’s also essential for your overall physical and mental well-being. Let's see how.We all experience the loss of a loved one at some point. Their death comes as a huge shock, followed by sadness, anger, and eventually acceptance. The grieving process is long and subjective and sometimes may result in a distracted state of mind. While some people bounce back immediately, some take time to feel normal and become productive members of society. Know what that tells us? That intense feelings are real and authentic to your reality. Sure your manager will never say “follow your heart” after a breakup. Can't just give you explicit permission for staying in bed and crying...
Don't Let Others' Opinions Toss You Around Like a Football!
The phrase ‘football to other’s opinions’ is relevant for people who have a hard time listening to their own true desires. It means living like a football that rolls from opinion to opinion - opinions which more often than not, are not their own! And that kind of living is dangerous! The fact is that we are conditioned to impress or seek validation from our society - teachers, peers, parents, countrymen, and even the neighbour's dog. But bouncing from expectation to expectation will only leave you depleted and disconnected from your authentic self and take you far away from your core desires. The key to avoiding this is to apply critical thinking to your own self. Self-introspect! Get really honest with your own inner compass! None of that comparison nonsense that leaves you feeling inadequate. Nope! Carve out time to tune into your core values, deepest passions, and wildest dreams. Then have the courage to unapologetically go after them! Once you do that, everything will fall into place. You'll finally be able to spot the opportunities that will actually fulfil you. Let's say connection and contribution are huge for your soul. Sure, that fancy corporate gig is awesome. But will it really help you get what you desire? No! So, don't do it just because the world wants you to. A common example of this is the idea of marriage - an idea that suddenly becomes relevant when most of your friends start getting married! Marriage is often linked to a specific age and bank balance. But if getting married is not your reality at a particular age, find a balance between society’s expectations and your desires. We are not supposed to lead a robotic existence of copying each other, okay? Do that much-needed critical thinking, and notice what’s in alignment with your core desires and values. You might find a suitable match after a few years and will lead a meaningful life with that partner. LaPorte says forcing yourself to go against your desires, or realigning life’s goal just to fit into society’s timeline might be a recipe for disaster. Keep this in mind whenever you make a life-altering decision like a career change, moving out, or having kids. And don't lose heart in the process. You'll reach your goals in your own sweet time. Displaying patience like that might be a bit overwhelming for some of our dear...
The Dichotomy Of Achieving A Goal!
We’ve established that achieving goals brings meaning to life. But, answer us this - have you ever achieved something you thought would be awesome, like getting your dream job or dating your long-time crush, but then felt...empty? Like, "Is this it?" Well, guess what! You’ve been chasing the wrong goal all this time! If a goal is not what your heart truly desires, you will not even enjoy the journey of achieving that goal in the first place. Such a goal is not worth your time and energy. So instead, dream up objectives that you feel you can realistically attain legitimately achievable to YOU. Goals that speak to your core values and deepest desires. LaPorte experienced this herself when she used to set strict goals for herself - copies sold, money earned off a book etc. Whenever she was able to attain such goals, the rigidity of it all induced too much anxiety and stress in her life. So, she decided to switch it up. Her new aims? Goals that were closer to her heart. Basically, she started saying "yes" to stuff that didn't really seem like her usual vibe. She took on projects that spoke to her soul. She started working with folks from all kinds of different industries she never would've considered before. Her new goals were to be happy and content in whatever she did! No doubt there is hard work behind every ambition, but, when your goals light a fire under you like that, you'll actually enjoy the journey of chasing them. So, the next time you set a specific objective, take stock of your feelings. If you feel too much apprehension or worry, it is an indication that the goal you set for yourself does not resonate with what your heart truly desires. Sure there’ll be roadblocks, and goal setting itself can be intimidating at times, but the feelings of dread, fear or dissatisfaction at all times is a sign to stop and reassess. Know the best part? Achieving a worthy goal will increase your drive to just keep going! You’ll feel a burning desire for even bigger opportunities. You will be thrilled to work towards similar objectives and feel more energetic and confident in future. Yayy! But, while that feels amazing, you've gotta be careful not to lose sight of what else really matters. Relationships! Ignoring friends or family is not the price we...
How to Make Room for What You Really Want
You know that feeling when you want two totally different things at the same time? Like wanting to get married and start a family, but also feeling driven to focus solely on your career? Talk about conflicting desires! It happens to the best of us. We think we know what we want, but our hearts pull us in multiple directions. So what do you do when your core desires seem to clash?
The solution might sound tough, but you've got to make a choice. Let go of one dream and indulge in another. Agreed, it can feel like giving up on a part of yourself. But by freeing yourself from one long-held wish, all sorts of new hopes and plans can blossom. Who knows, you might stumble onto a totally unexpected source of joy and meaning. So, don't sweat it. Making that tough call creates space to discover what really lights you up. Your heart will thank you for it. Your wildest hopes and deepest callings deserve space and encouragement.
Also, do you know what your dreams don't need? Criticism!
Your goals and aspirations are worthwhile, whether they seem mediocre or totally out of reach. So, whenever you catch yourself dreaming big - like becoming a famous soccer player or designing for your favorite brand and that nagging inner voice pipes up to say "That'll never happen", SHUT.IT.DOWN!! If picturing your ideal future puts a smile on your face, then that's reason enough to go after it wholeheartedly. And the same goes for your loved ones - never mock or minimize their dreams. Everyone deserves to freely pursue what makes their heart full - be it working in a retirement village for elderlies or becoming a golf pro.
Another tidbit for your journey - even when we silence that inner critic, real-life can still bring actual roadblocks. None of us are invincible superheroes, after all. We can't just snap our fingers and make everything fall into place - we have parents, and kids, and limited finances, time, and what not to consider. But, instead of letting those stop us altogether, think that this simply means we've got to get a bit more creative and flexible with our approach. With some savvy planning and an open mind, you can absolutely live out your heart's desires while also honouring the (beautiful) humanness of your unique circumstances.
Chapter 8
Details coming soon.
Summary
The Desire Map isn't just a do this-not that book. It's about letting your passions flow. It’s about learning that desires play a key role in a fulfilling life. But you can only understand your heart's core desires when you stop paying attention to society's opinions. Have the courage to aim for goals that work with your heart's true desires, beliefs and values, and you'll meet success in everything you endeavor to achieve. So, use the meaningful insight and strategies therein explore the true potential of your heart's core desires and lead a life of contentment and everlasting bliss.
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About the Author
Danielle LaPorte is the creator of the Heart Centered Membership and the Heart Centered Leadership Program with 400+ leaders in 30 countries hosting conversation circles, retreats, and workshops in all kinds of communities and businesses.
She’s a member of Oprah’s SuperSoul 100 and the former director of a future studies think tank in Washington, DC, where she managed a team creating global scenario plans. She now speaks about the intelligence of the heart.
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