“You do You!” We find this idiom all the time in motivational speeches. You do you is basically a millennial version of do what you want. But how many of us can actually do what we want? Following established societal norms seems so much easier, right?  Now, what if on this fine day, you decide to cast away all these external pressures and start leading an authentic life?

Self-improvement expert and “anti-guru” Sarah Knight believes it is important to build an individualistic social existence and stand up for who you are. You can take her word – she knows how to escape the life you inherit and how to reach for the one you crave. She reminds us that true happiness doesn't come from relentless people-pleasing, but from unapologetically living life on your own terms. Whether you're drowning in endless obligations, stuck in an unfulfilling job, or simply craving more meaning and joy, You Do You is a soul-shaking wake-up call for self-discovery.

First up, learn that some things are just meant to be broken!

Say you see Knight at a food joint. She orders a well-done steak. The waiter delivers a rare. She sends her food back, and asks for what she actually wanted - without giving a single damn about what the waiter or anyone else thinks. What would you think of this (not that she cares, but still, asking for research)? Would you think of her as problematic? Bad-tempered? Difficult? Or would you give her a silent round of applause for sticking up for herself?

If you chose anything other than the last option, we dedicate this section to you. Here’s your lesson. Remember this well: There is nothing wrong with standing up for yourself in matters that are essential to your fulfilment and peace!! It is not being ‘difficult’ to be blunt and clearly communicate what you desire. Do not cave in just to make others happy. And definitely, do not bother about what others might think.

Once again, this doesn’t mean you get mean with people. Like, if you saw Knight biting the waiter’s head off for messing up, that’s being difficult.

Next, remember the 5th comment from Knight’s list? “Don’t quit your day job”. It’s time we tackle that.

Once upon a time, our amazing author decided to quit her day job. Because even as an acquiring editor in one of the most ‘creative’ industries in the world, she felt restricted. Not free to think outside the box sort of situation. Giving up such a job, or any job for that matter, brings a lot of backlash - colleagues, friends and family. Put yourself in her shoes and you can feel the anxiety, the pressure, and even some disappointment and fear. And hope you’re not forgetting; such a decision might even put you under financial stress for some time.

Setting healthy boundaries is crucial here. Listen to valid opinions and concerns of others. But you are the one who’s actually living the nightmare. So, do not let haters, who know nothing other than conformity, cloud your judgement and self-belief. It will be worth the risk, if it brings deep meaning and fulfilment to your life. Knight took the plunge and ended up as a best-selling author instead!

Coming up next, we see how being pessimistic is not always a bad thing!

In a world where everyone wants you to ‘look at the bright side,’ a pessimistic person is frowned upon. Well, Knight is flipping the script. She makes a logical, almost appealing, case for pessimists. Probably because she’s one, too!

Point #1: Pessimists are fantastic at anticipating things! They know every worst-case scenario that can possibly occur. They’re like Dr. Strange with the time-stone! Their backup plans have backup plans. No kidding, Knight made sure she got married in a tented-courtyard – y’know, just in case the clear-blue skies decided to rain. We’re impressed!

Point #2: You know who's never late? Pessimists, that's who. Always punctual! Since, they always assume every possible roadblock and setback, they end up finishing right on time or even ahead of schedule. Big presentation coming up? Boom! Already done. Like, they'll rock up to a barbecue four hours before, because "what if there is traffic?"

Point #3: Pessimism can get you so riled up, you can do crazy, brave things with no difficulty. Like, quitting your job! Were it not for the negativity filling Knight up, she might still be stuck in some cubicle handling paperwork. It was her negative disposition that led her to reinvent herself and her career.

So, contrary to norms, it is not always bad to be pessimistic - being different aka weird can be ok. Some people just feel things deeply and their sensitivity affects how they see situations. Totally natural! You do not need to repress it. Control it, maybe. But, never repress. If it is who you are, just don’t fake optimism. Instead, make the best out of what you have.

But, beware! As with everything, the society will always try to make you feel like you do not fit in. Did you know that people often give opinions from a place of fear? Most people are stuck in the sandbox of conformity. And anyone with a different outlook just goes over their head. Nothing to lose your sleep over. So, the key concept remains the same. You do you and embrace even the dark, weird, and negative traits of your mind.

The next idea the writer shares is so much more relevant in post-CoViD times - ask for professional help for your mental health.

What does it really mean to be successful in life? The textbook definition involves things like having a high-paying job, getting married, and having kids by 30. But not everyone dreams of a cookie-cutter lifestyle. Success means different things to different people, and no one else gets to define it for you.

Still, societal pressures and conventions can make it difficult to diverge from what everyone else does. You will be judged and lectured - whether it's opting out of parenthood or taking a career detour. Knight has experience with both! But at the end of the day, you're the one who has to live with your decisions - not the nosy onlookers.

So how do you design a life that actually fits your ideals? The first step is defining your meaning of success. Forget what you “should” want or what looks good from the outside. Dig deep and get in touch with your authentic goals and values. Do you prize freedom and flexibility above all else? Is having a big close-knit family more important to you than a huge paycheck? Does success mean following your passion, even if it deviates from societal norms? Work that out, and only then can you make choices that take you where you want to go. This might require going against the grain, and evaluating each fork in the road and asking, “Does this route align with my definition of success and my goals?” But one thing is for sure. You'll never look back with regret!

So, that’s that! In our final section, let’s learn the art of ignoring!

Nod if you've ever felt the pressure to just spare yourself the effort and conform to what society expects from us. If this happens again, remember that this will never lead to actual happiness. Happiness comes from keeping your own heart, not what will please the crowd. Okay?

One area this comes up is being nice to everyone all the time. Knight especially hates when someone random goes "you should smile more!" Why do we have to pretend we’re happy when we’re not, huh? Why do we have to say yes to every favor asked of you? So, just basic manners arebplenty. Save your true niceness for someone who matters. Also, so many of us also feel pressure to match some perfect beauty standard. But comparing yourself to photoshopped models with a team of stylists does nothing but trash your self-image. Sadly, disordered eating and extreme dieting is so common in America, but rarely actually about health. Knight went through years of purging and under-eating, before finally getting the confidence she rocks today!

Another expectation is that we must downplay our talents so people don't think we're bragging or showing them up. When Knight was 26, she had to give a big presentation to the bosses at the publishing company she worked at. She totally killed it, but when she mentioned that to a coworker, she got the "don't be so full of yourself!" line! Ignore people who say that. You can totally be proud of your abilities while being humble too. But you shouldn't have to act like you aren't gifted just to make other people comfortable. Being yourself means acknowledging your strengths without apology.

At the end of the day, conforming might get you some surface level kudos, but it won't bring real fulfillment. Only you can decide the right path for yourself!