Time and How to Spend It: The 7 Rules for Richer, Happier Days
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Introduction
Imagine this: You're back home after work, feeling the exhaustion of the day in your bones. You collapse onto the couch and tell yourself you deserve to just zone out. So, you take out your phone. Now, pause right there and answer this. When you go down that endless TikTok rabbit hole to "relax," has it ever actually helped? Has it ever left you feeling happy and content? The truth is, real joy bubbles up from little daily pleasures in off-the-clock hours. Outside of your normal work hours and activities
We are at a point where we have more things demanding our time than ever before. Juggling work, never-ending chores, daily exercise routine you know you shouldn't skip, and actually trying to enjoy yourself once in a while, can feel straight-up impossible.
Time and How to Spend It (2019) by James Wallman gives you an insight into how to utilize your free time in a meaningful and rewarding manner. Backed by scientific research from the best of the best - studies out of Cornell, Harvard, the London School of Economics, and even Cambridge - this book cracks the code on how you can improve the quality of your leisure time.
James Wallman, commentator and trend forecaster, delivers the most practical checklist for anyone out there who feels overwhelmed with modern life’s unlimited options and wants to utilize their time properly. When you improve the quality of your leisure time, you are bound to find deeper meaning and increase the happiness quotient of your life.
And the very first secret to truly treasuring your hours is simply this - seek out and immerse in the experiences that set your soul on fire.
Choose Meaningful Experiences To Lead A Fulfilling Life!
Our capitalist society has made us believe that time not spent earning is time wasted! If we're not being productive little worker bees around the clock, we're useless. No! That's not how it should be! Being productive is one thing. But to think we need to be busy 24/7 - that's a one-way ticket to burnout. For such people, life is a hollow chain of tasks, with no free time at the end of the day.
The thing to contemplate is whether overindulgence in productivity brings happier days, or not. Long story short: not necessarily! Research indicates that happiness is not always a product of success! It can work as a precursor to success, but that's it.
Now, apart from a false sense of productivity, what else do you think sucks away our free time? These tempting little screens that we carry everywhere - our phones! With notifications exploding 24/7 and FOMO kicking in - the fear of missing out - we compulsively scroll and scroll and scroll. Three hours gone into the virtual void, poof! This attempt to stay in touch with the digital world ironically makes us miss out on living our actual lives.
We told you the problems, now for the solution! We learned that happiness can be the precursor to success. More often than not, we are the happiest when we make good memories! And good memories come from good and meaningful experiences. Studies done by Harvard Business School and Cornell University indicate just this. Look to accumulate these experiences in your free time.
So, how can you collect these positive experiences? Follow along to find out!
Be The Main Character And Write Your Own STORIES!
STORIES! Positive experiences are the ones that make STORIES. The acronym STORIES stands for Story, Transformation, Outside and Offline, Relationships, Intensity, Extraordinary, and Status and Significance. What do we mean by that? If a specific activity you wish to pursue ticks off one or all items on the above checklist, congratulations! You've collected a meaningful and positive experience - an experience adding to your own life story! Say you went on a weekend camping trip with friends. That's a STORIES-worthy experience, checking off every criterion! An adventure that created memories and stories to tell later on - an intense, extraordinary adventure that strengthened bonds and spirits!
This way, you can easily evaluate if an activity you do in your free time contributes to long-term positivity and fulfillment or not. Or if it's worth your time.
Next, James asks you to be a hero of your life story! Just think about the storyline of your favorite novel/ movie. The story presents a hero who starts his journey ordinarily, in order to achieve a goal, to fulfill his destiny. They face obstacles and display extraordinary bravery to deal with the barriers. The hero overcomes obstacles to lead a fulfilling destiny. The endless struggles the hero faces eventually lead to a resolution and teach resilience and bravery to the central character.
Picture yourself as the hero in your own epic tale. It'll change your mindset, really! Firstly, you’ll have a clear goal, a call to action - and work towards accumulating experiences that contribute to those goals. Also, you'll see hardships, struggles, and opportunities as the key plot points that help your journey. Being the hero also means you take responsibility for your decisions and use your time judiciously. Life may throw curveballs at you, but your well-timed and brave decisions will make you stronger and happier.
We’ve been through the S for stories part. In the next sections, let's explore how to check off the T, O, R, I, E, and S in the word STORIES!
'T' is For Transformation!
A story where the hero does not end up with a major transformation is never gonna make it to your list of faves. The same holds true for you. If the you of 10 years from now is the same as the you from 10 years back, stuck on repeat without a hint of transformation, sorry to break it to you, but you ain't making STORIES. Growth is the key to leading a fulfilling life, people! You have to face trials and tribulations and then transform. That's the point! Once you understand that, you are likely to embrace and indulge in activities like learning new skills and new passions. So, how you decide to spend your free time today has the potential to transform your character in the future, blessing you with a happier and richer life, a life you deserve!Now, before you go thinking that there's not much transformation in store for you, we have a little exercise for you. Make a list of your personal development in the last decade. See how much you've changed? Does that put things into perspective? Now if you still think the transformation you may experience in the next decade won't be much, you're not the only one. This is attributed to the End-of-History illusion - we always see change as something that happens in the past and not the future. But that’s an illusion - in reality, there’s always immense room for transformation.Now, what is a transformative experience?You can do three things in your free time. First, there's the classic "fly and flop." You take a load off, chill out, enjoy some R&R - that is, escape regular stresses and recharge those batteries. We all need to unplug and unwind now and then! Binged a show on Netflix? That's your classic fly and flop. The next level is "find and seek" where you slip into explorer mode, get curious, learn something new, or whatever. This expands your perspective. Here are some ideas: Visit a new cafe with interesting art and music, or read a book on some intriguing topic like astronomy! Use your imagination. Finally, there's "go and become" which is about challenging yourself for self-improvement, and building skills that ignite personal growth. This is the level that makes for the most transformative experiences. Imagine the new you after you've completed a DIY project that taught you new skills, or perhaps trained for...
Stay Offline, Stay Outside, Stay Happy!
The Outside and Offline part of the checklist is pretty straightforward. When you decide to spend quality time in nature, taking a break from the online world, the experience adds meaning and depth to your life. The idea is to indulge in a meaningful activity like a walk, a run or just watching a sunset. While going to a gym is excellent for your body, a walk in the park will bring extraordinary moments that will inspire you. Take it up a notch and actually visit a forest. The Japanese call it ‘shinrin yoku’ - making contact with and taking in the atmosphere of the forest. It helps you chill out and ditch the stress, rage, and burnt-out feeling. Gets your blood pressure and cortisol levels—which is the stress hormone FYI—in check too. There's actual data that supports this - people are happiest when in nature, and close to water bodies. In fact, people living in coastal areas are usually happier than city folk! There's just something primal that calls to us; the crashing waves, the chirping birds, the sunlight. It's embedded deep in our DNA, this pull toward nature.Remember when we said that the thing sucking up our time is obsessively checking our phones for notifications? We've become so conditioned to pick up our phones every time we hear that ding! How? Why? Pavlov has an explanation.Experimental neurologist Pavlov began a conditioning experiment where he clicked a metronome every time he fed his dogs. After repeating this experiment a few times, he noticed that just the sound of the click of a metronome elicited a salivation response. The dogs had associated the sound of the metronome with food, prompting salivation. This association is called conditioning. How is this relevant to you? Well, sadly, your interaction with your smartphone falls into the category of a conditioned response. We're all notification junkies now, hooked on our phones like it's cracked. One beep and we come running for another dopamine hit; expecting a like, or a comment, or a new follower. This gets so extreme that we end up checking our social media or emails 500 times a day, even when there's no notification! That's kinda scary, don't you think? While the purpose of social media was to bring us together on an online platform, multiple studies from all over the world indicate that spending too much time online leads to depression, isolation, and insomnia....
Take Time To Engage In Meaningful And Real Interaction With People!
Loneliness can kill! Like, no joke. Researchers analyzed almost three and a half million folks for 7 whole years. What did they uncover? Being socially cut off has survival odds worse than smoking or diabetes. Chronically lonely people see a 29% increased death risk. Zero friends or family? Up another 26%. Even flying solo hikes your odds by 32%. The thing is, continuous loneliness leads to stress. Stress may clog your arteries. Clogged arteries mean, 'Bye bye, cruel world! When loneliness hits, it's tempting to isolate further - but that usually makes us feel worse in the long run. The most reliable cure? Pursue interests that pique your curiosity, and it'll automatically connect you with others. It really can be that simple. Sign up for a class that sparks your imagination - photography, pottery, dance, whatever. Learning and creating alongside people with shared passions balances out loneliness.Even activities often thought of as solitary can foster a sense of connection, according to psychologists. When we lose ourselves in meaningful pursuits like reading a gripping novel, practicing meditation, or creating art, we tap into the shared human experience.But remember, while it is great to spend some time alone to refresh your mind, we're not meant for continuous loneliness! In fact, meaningful, real-time interactions are imprinted in our genetic makeup. We are wired to form bonds. That's why we have the relationship aspect in our checklist. So, even if you've shifted to a new city, without friends or family, or just don't have the time, do NOT start living in a vacuum! Socialise, and we don't mean only online. In the real world. Take an active part in community activities. Find an interesting activity that gives you a sense of community. Whether you love to play golf or want to learn a new vocational skill, go out there! Social connections will enhance the quality of your thoughts and bring positivity and fulfillment. The activities that light you up reflect your unique self. So, tap into those activities; be it simple pastimes like hiking wooded trails, creating floral arrangements, or playing chess. Then ask yourself: who else is into this oddball interest of mine? Answer: a whole subculture of your fellow people! Chances are strong there are online forums or clubs where you can geek out alongside fellow enthusiasts. And nothing bonds humans quicker than shared niche interests. Experiences like these make awesome stories. Before we...
Want a happiness frenzy? Engage in immersive activities that give you good flow!
Have you ever heard someone be like "I'm so in the zone today" or "I'm vibing to it so good"? What is this space where ideas flow like water? And why are we left so satisfied at the end of it?
Athletes call this headspace demanding full awareness and dedication, "the zone", while our author James prefers the term "good flow". A good flow is a state of being where you are completely involved in an activity, so much so that you may even lose track of time. People involved in passionate activities like sports or creativity usually experience an intense good flow. Once you're in the zone, you get to form intense experiences that involve dedication, involvement, and effort but bring a level of fulfillment that will make you happier, even if you feel physically drained at the end of it.
So, in your free time, forge such positive experiences that make you feel this flow. Also don't you think this has that hero energy? It totally does!
Now, remember that good flow is not about superficial activities like binge-watching or meaningless scrolling. That's fake flow. Fake flow just steals long hours of your time, without giving you any transformative experience or happiness.
James also suggests practicing stand-up comedy as comedic public speaking in front of a huge audience is one of the most demanding intense things you can do. Sports, crafts, and writing are just some other options
So find your passion that brings a good flow, and your leisure time will become your happiness and contentment time.
So that was the "I" of the STORIES: intense activities. Next up, the “E”, Extraordinary!
It's All About An Extraordinary Ending! And the peak.
You know what's pretty awesome? When your ordinary, boring day suddenly gets a whole lot more extraordinary!! Like you're stuck in a tedious meeting and right at the end, someone brings in a box of your favorite donuts. Even though most of the experience sucked, you somehow walk away thinking "Hey, that wasn't so bad." It's called the peak-end rule. It basically says that the peak emotions and the ending moments of an experience have an outsized impact on our memory of the event. So even if something is mostly unpleasant, a strong peak or finish can trick our remembering self into thinking it was actually pretty enjoyable overall. Makes sense when you think about it - an extraordinary experience would obviously stick in your brain better. Now, how can we use this little quirk to spend our free time properly?See, how we feel in the moment doesn't always match how we look back on it later. That's because our brains prioritize pleasure over pain when it comes to memories. That means our experiencing self and our remembering self can have two different versions of the same story. Here's an example: Say you're stuck in nasty traffic on the way to a music festival. Your experiencing self is bummed about the traffic jam from hell. But, when you think back on it, your remembering self is going to be amped about the killer performances and be like "yea, there was a long jam, but what a wild night!" Get the idea?The point is when you seek out the extraordinary experiences for your STORIES, don't fret if it doesn't go how you wanted it to go. At the end of the day, it would still be a memorable moment. Tell your experiencing self to chill out! And similarly, don't fret if something extraordinary does NOT happen every day. That would just be exhausting. Besides, we need those ordinary moments for the extraordinary ones to really stand out. It's called extraordinary for a reason, you know! Tip of the day: Don't wait for the extraordinary to happen. Appreciate the little moments too! They can make a big difference. Even something as plain as a walk to the grocery store offers chances for extraordinary meaning and bonding if you make sure to actually be present with others - instead of just rushing through your regular routine on autopilot. Set aside some routine activities consciously, and...
Get Involved In Activities That Elevate Your Status!
Contrary to popular belief, status does bring happiness. Researchers believe that higher status increases our sense of control and opens multiple options in life, which in turn means more chances of exploring our STORIES and creating happiness.
Take a look around. People with the highest status are the ones who are highly educated, have great skills, are pro at networking, and/or are filthy rich. And quite unsurprisingly, they are the ones with the most experience, as well. But, that's not where the story ends. This is actually proven. Researchers did a study at the University of Cambridge trying to figure out what makes people truly flourish in life. Want to take guesses as to what they found? The three things we just told you about control, having useful skills and abilities, and feeling connected to others socially.
So, you can always elevate your status by getting more of these three things that apparently lead to happiness - more education, more money, and more power. Just think about it. The more specialized knowledge and expertise you build through higher education, the more qualified you become for higher-paying jobs and leadership roles. And of course, the more zeroes you have in your bank account, the more freedom you have to pursue advanced degrees, attend exclusive networking events, and gain access to influential people. It's a nice little cycle. We can see the crazy potential for making STORIES.
Want to further increase your social involvement? We can do that by taking small, friendly actions to engage more with those around us - like chatting with neighbors, volunteering locally, or connecting more with co-workers - in general, any activities that connect us to community organizations or influential individuals within your community.
Finally, Mr Wallman insists that the final path to high status is to switch off the TV. According to him, the more stories you watch on your device, the fewer stories-worthy experiences you are having in real life! So, essentially switching on a device should be your last preference.
Chapter 11
Details coming soon.
Summary
The 7 elements of STORIES are highly effective if you wish to lead a life of fulfillment and happiness. Use them to plan your free time and you'll find the experiences that will add a deeper meaning to your life, further your personal development, and enhance your happiness quotient allowing you to lead a rewarding life.
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About the Author
James Wallman is a cultural commentator and trend forecaster, the Sector Specialist on the Experience Economy for the UK government, one of the worldwide top 101 influencers in Employee Engagement, and the international bestselling author of Stuffocation. He has written for GQ, the New York Times and the FT, and appeared on the BBC, the ABC and MSNBC. He runs a boutique trend forecasting firm whose clients range from KFC to KPMG, Yell and Eventbrite. He has studied at the universities of Oxford and Cambridge. He has spoken at Google HQ in California, the Collision Conference in Las Vegas, the London School of Economics, the Royal Academy, the Royal Society of the Arts, and 10 Downing Street. He has hosted Guardian Masterclasses, and run courses at the School of Life in London and Antwerp. He is an ambassador for the charity Global Action Plan. He has lived in France, Greece and California, and he currently lives in London with his wife and two children.
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