We all know the health basics: exercise, eat veggies, sleep well, count steps, and maybe see a therapist. But something crucial is missing from this picture. As Kasley Killam reveals in her groundbreaking book, there's a crucial third element beyond physical and mental health - social health. In her 2024 book, she reveals that without meaningful human connection, we're neglecting this vital component of our health!
The book offers a three-part journey: First, we evaluate your social health, then some practical steps to strengthen your social health, and finally we'll examine social health exercised in various contexts - neighborhoods, workplaces, such stuff. Let's get healthy!
Summary
The social health revolution is here, and it's all about us - you and everyone! Our connections aren't just nice-to-haves; they're our lifeline. So let's nurture them fiercely, love each other boldly, and watch our world bloom together!
Health's Missing Piece
Health has evolved dramatically throughout history. From attributing headaches to demons to understanding the dangers of smoking, we've made incredible progress. Today, most of us recognize two key pillars of health: physical (caring for our bodies) and mental (caring for our minds).But there's a crucial third dimension we've overlooked: social health – the wellbeing that comes from our connections with others.Think of overall health as a three-column structure. Physical health, mental health, and social health work together – strengthen one,...
Understanding Your Social Web
Ever wondered how to gauge your social health and improve it another notch? Just as you can sense when your body feels good or when you're coming down with something, you can evaluate your relationship landscape too.Killam offers a straightforward three-step approach. First, identify your sources of connection: your close relationships (those "pinned to the top" of your messages), your communities (like workplaces or hobby groups), and even casual interactions with acquaintances.Second, assess the strength of these connections. Are they...
Finding Your Social Connection Style
Social health is as unique as you are. In Killam's exploration, she introduces us to her friend Taylor – the ultimate friend who's been in 13 weddings and maintains deep connections with countless people. But here's the lesson: Taylor's approach isn't the only "right way" to be socially healthy.Killam identifies four social health styles: Butterflies enjoy frequent, casual connections; Wallflowers prefer occasional, lighter interactions; Fireflies (like the author herself) thrive on infrequent but meaningful connections; and Evergreens like Taylor flourish...
Overcome Barriers to Your Social Health
Nancy's life wasn't always easy. From childhood emotional distance to divorce at 48, she’s seen it all. Yet she made connections with her "guiding light" - decorating her home with family photos, maintaining multiple community groups, and creating traditions like summer gatherings.Her approach teaches us our first valuable strategy: join groups even when it feels uncomfortable, find others with shared experiences, stay involved in community activities, and befriend people of all ages.But many of us face a major obstacle to...
Exercising Your Connection Muscles
Just as we go to the gym to keep our bodies strong, we need to constantly work on our relationships to maintain social health. Killam discovered this through her college experiment -108 consecutive days of performing acts of kindness for others.Her daily "social workouts" ranged from leaving encouraging notes in campus bathrooms to handing out balloons downtown. The results were remarkable. Despite spending less time on schoolwork, her grades improved. Her physical health, career opportunities, and overall happiness flourished too.Killam...
Small Steps to Social Wellbeing
You don't need to walk 10,000 steps for physical health—and you don't need grand gestures for social health either. Research shows even tiny actions make a real difference.When Killam was 15 in France, not knowing anyone or speaking French, simple kindnesses transformed her experience. A boy noticed her dictionary and chatted with her. A girl invited her to lunch with "Yoo eet wizz us?" Classmates made her birthday cards. These small acts sparked friendships that have lasted decades.We consistently underestimate...
A Scientist's Mindset
Feeling stuck in your social life? Approach it like a scientist would - with curiosity, objectivity, and persistence and then see the magic happen! Want proof?Rowan moved to Atlanta for his dream job but felt isolated after a breakup. Instead of giving up, he experimented. Each week for a month, he tried something new: an improv workshop (where he made his first new friend), a craft beer meetup (which wasn't his thing, but taught him what he didn't want), and...
Building Your Community One Hello at a Time
Part 3 explores how we can transform social health from an idea into a way of life that extends into our communities and society.Social health flourishes when we make connection a priority in our neighborhoods. As Killam discovered in Paris's 14th District, a man in the neighborhood made a point of greeting everyone he passed on the street with a “bonjour.” Over time, this created a strong sense of community. Meaning, consistent, low-effort social interactions—like smiling, making eye contact, or...
Balancing Real Connection in Our Digital Lives
Work and technology fill most of our waking hours. Americans typically spend 90,000 hours working throughout their lives, while globally people average over six hours daily online. How we connect during this time fundamentally shapes our social health.Having a workplace friend transforms our experience. Research shows that employees with a "best friend at work" are seven times more engaged and produce higher-quality work. The reverse is equally telling - lonely employees cost companies around $4,200 annually in lost productivity.Different companies...
Creating Connection in a Disconnected World
We've officially reached the culmination of our exploration of social health. Social health is both an individual experience and a societal condition that requires balanced attention at personal and systemic levels.In Barcelona, city leaders are tackling loneliness through a smart strategy that builds on their existing strengths: walkable neighborhoods, community spaces, and a culture that values togetherness. Their goal? Move beyond fighting loneliness to actively promoting connection by 2030.Healthcare is joining the movement too. At SCAN Health Plan, CEO Sachin...
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About the Author
Kasley Killam is a leading expert in social health and author of The Art and Science of Connection: Why Social Health is the Missing Key to Living Longer, Healthier, and Happier. As a Harvard-trained social scientist, 2X TED speaker, sought-after advisor, and award-winning founder, Killam has been dedicated to improving well-being through human connection for nearly 15 years. Globally recognized for her thought leadership on social health, Killam’s collaborations with top organizations like Google, the US Department of Health and Human Services, and the World Economic Forum contribute to building more socially healthy products, workplaces, and communities. Discover her insights in outlets like The New York Times, Forbes, NPR, CNBC, and The Washington Post and join her newsletter community at www.kasleykillam.com.
More on: www.kasleykillam.com
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