Rising Strong

Summary of 11 key concepts

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Introduction

After reading Brené’s two books – The Gifts of Imperfection (teaching you TO BE YOU) and Daring Greatly (teaching you TO BE ALL IN), a reporter who wanted to start working on his own issues related to vulnerability, courage, and authenticity asked Brené, “Can you give me the upside of doing this work? Brené’s reply: it is the only path to more love, belonging, and joy.

“And the downside?”

“You’re going to stumble, fall, and get your ass kicked.”

If you’re wondering if this is where we tell you that daring is still worth it, with a passionate YES just like Brené, you’re right! But let's be real: when we're not face-down from a hard fall, it's an easy 'yes.' Mid-fall? Not so much, because bouncing back from those 'facedown' moments isn't our strong suit.

Our “facedown” moments can be anything from losing a job to learning your child has lied about their report card. So, what happens in that moment? How do you rise strong from such failures? Let’s learn about all of them with Brené’s “Rising Strong!”

Embrace vulnerability for rising strong

Unpopular opinion: vulnerability is not a weakness; it's the bravest thing we can do. Let's break it down: When you're vulnerable, you're being real. You're admitting that you don't have all the answers, and that's okay. This honesty builds trust and connection. And to truly live like this—to be "in the arena" of vulnerability—we must be willing to get our asses kicked. When you choose to be brave, you will fall. It’s inevitable. And once you’ve fallen, there’s no going back to who you were before. The fall changes you, and rising from it is a journey only you can take—though you’ll need others along the way.

Now, think about those epic comeback stories we all love – the athlete who overcomes injury, the entrepreneur who bounces back from bankruptcy, or even that friend who nailed that job interview after a million rejections. These aren’t just lucky breaks; they’re real-life examples of what it means to rise strong. These narratives resonate with us, don’t they? It’s because they remind us that struggle is universal, and sharing these stories connects us deeply. When we move from just understanding these struggles intellectually to feeling them emotionally, we start to internalize the lessons they offer. This is how we turn our falls into something meaningful, a key part of rising strong.

But let’s not sugarcoat it:There’s no one-size-fits-all formula for getting back up after a fall. It’s a messy, back-and-forth process that looks different for everyone. But courage is contagious. When we rise strong, we inspire others to do the same. And ultimately, this journey of rising strong is more than just picking yourself up; it's about transforming the fall into a flight. It's about turning your vulnerabilities into your superpowers. It's about realizing that every scar is a story, and every struggle is a setup for something amazing. As Liz Gilbert wisely said, "Grace will take you places hustling can’t." That’s what rising strong is all about—letting go of the hustle and trusting that there’s a deeper, more meaningful way to heal and move forward.

Alright! Ready to learn how to rise strong?

The three steps for Rising Strong

When you struggle to stay upright in the midst of a storm, where the winds of doubt and fear are whipping around, you realize that you’re not just weathering the storm but learning to navigate its turbulence. This is how the transformative process of rising strong described by Brené will feel like, and it goes like this: The process begins with Reckoning—the moment we face our emotions head-on. It is where we recognize and get curious about our feelings, allow ourselves to be vulnerable, pause, explore our emotions and ask, "What's really going on here?" It isn’t easy; it is a "call to courage," where we choose to lean into the discomfort rather than avoid it.As we move from reckoning to the next phase, Rumble, we begin to dissect the stories we tell ourselves about our experiences. These stories are our brain's way of making sense of the world, but they can be laced with assumptions, fears, and unexamined beliefs. The rumble is where we dig into these narratives, challenge their accuracy, and confront the truths we may be avoiding. It is about having the courage to be honest with what we tell ourselves. Here's a simple story to help you put rumbling into perspective: imagine you've been passed over for a promotion at work. Immediately, your mind frames a story like: "I'm not good enough. They probably think I'm incompetent." Then comes rumbling. As you analyze this narrative, you might realize it's based on your insecurity, and not the reality. A rumbled, and more accurate version of this story could be: "The position required skills I haven't yet developed. This is an opportunity for growth, not a reflection of my worth." See the difference? Rumbling helps you challenge your initial reactions and find a more balanced perspective.Finally, we reach the Revolution phase, where the learning gained from reckoning and rumbling inspires meaningful change. It's here that we rewrite our stories in a way that aligns with our values and fosters resilience. Revolution is "the process of transformation." It’s not about simply surviving our struggles but about using them as a springboard for growth, reclaiming our power, taking responsibility for our narratives, and stepping into a more authentic version of ourselves.Upon close observation of the three stages, storytelling becomes a central thread in this process of rising strong. The stories we tell shape not only how we see ourselves but...

Reckoning your emotions for rising strong

Your emotions are a tangled ball of yarn. And reckoning is untangling this mess, one thread at a time. The first step in reckoning is recognizing your emotions, and acknowledging what you're feeling, without judgment or avoidance. Owning our story - fully embracing our experiences, both the good and the bad can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. And to do that, you gotta show curiosity. Instead of labeling feelings as "good" or "bad,"try saying, “Hey there, anger/fear/sadness, I see you. Let’s chat!” Have the curiosity to ask, "What are you trying to tell me?" It’s finding the ‘why’ behind your emotions. And there are quite a few ways to do this.Journaling, for example, provides an outlet for expressing feelings without judgment. Or you could practice mindfulness. It cultivates present-moment awareness and helps with emotional regulation. Another strategy is seeking support from trusted friends or therapists to gain valuable perspectives. And then we have permission slips! As the name goes, it’s about giving yourself permission to feel all the feels – permission to be excited, have fun, or be goofy. It creates a safe space for emotional exploration. Why is reckoning so crucial? Well, we've trained ourselves to ignore our feelings. Our negative feelings, to be more precise. We'd rather use logic or distractions than admit to ourselves that we are sad, or humiliated or something. But the thing is, emotions don't just vanish. Out of sight, out of mind is not the solution here. You bury them, and they pile up and eventually come out in explosions later. So, avoid all that, and try reckoning instead!Now, obviously there are gonna be barriers. Society often throws down roadblocks on this path. We're bombarded with messages telling us to "be strong" and "keep calm," which translates to bottling up our feelings, thereby hindering our ability to fully experience our feelings. Fear of judgment, shame, and the discomfort of vulnerability can also create obstacles. It's essential to recognize these barriers and challenge them.And, just to make it clear, reckoning your emotions means integrating them, not offloading! Offloading involves venting frustrations without deeper processing, while integrating involves understanding the root causes and learning from the experience. Of course, such emotional check-ins aren't always sunshine and rainbows, but they're the foundation for building a stronger, more resilient you. So, roll up your sleeves, embrace the discomfort,...

Rumbling with our stories for rising strong

Our stories are messy—the “conspiracies” and “confabulations” we create to make sense of our experiences. Too many heavy words at once, right? We get it. How about an example? If you send a text to a friend, and hours go by without a response, your mind starts spinning a story—maybe they’re mad at you, or perhaps they’re just ignoring you. That’s conspiracy at work. Conspiracies are those worst-case scenarios our brains whip up, fueled by fear and uncertainty. It’s our mind’s way of filling in the blanks when we don’t have all the information.Then there are confabulations, which are like little mental shortcuts our brain takes when trying to fill in the gaps of a story. These aren’t outright lies; rather, they’re distortions or assumptions that feel like truth. Brené uses the term "shitty first drafts" or SFDs to describe these initial, often flawed, stories. Our brains are wired to create coherence, so when there’s missing information, we make up details to complete the picture. The problem? These confabulations can lead us down a path of misunderstanding and conflict.In "The Rumble," we are encouraged to capture these conspiracies and confabulations by writing them down—getting our SFDs out of our heads and onto paper. Putting these stories on paper creates a bit of distance, allowing you to step back and view them more objectively. It's like looking at a map instead of being lost in the woods – suddenly, we can see the whole picture and spot the paths we might have missed before. Just like that, once we see these stories in front of us, we can start to question them: "Is this really true? What evidence do I have? What assumptions am I making?"For instance, Brené shares a story about a miscommunication with her husband, Steve. She initially interprets his silence as disinterest, creating a narrative that he doesn’t care about her feelings. This is a classic case of confabulation—her mind filled in the gaps with a story that wasn’t true. By rumbling with this story, Brené was able to confront her fears and insecurities, leading to a more honest and open conversation with Steve.Now, let's dive into how to take the idea of "rumbling" further and see how we can connect it with important values in our lives to bring about the revolution and rise strong.

Rumble BIG and Rise Strong

To reclaim our emotional space, we gotta be “Living BIG!” ‘B’ is for Boundaries in the acronym BIG. Imagine navigating through a city filled with sewer rats—these rats symbolize the toxic emotions and self-doubt that creep into our minds. When you feel those sewer rats creeping in—like self-doubt or frustration—it’s often a sign that our boundaries have been crossed or aren’t clearly defined. It’s time to set boundaries. And to effectively set boundaries, we need to rumble with our own discomfort about saying "no" or standing up for ourselves. This means engaging with the emotions that arise when we feel our boundaries are being tested—like fear of rejection or guilt for asserting our needs. Brené shares an example of when a colleague repeatedly interrupted her during meetings. Initially, she let it slide, telling herself it wasn’t a big deal. But as the interruptions continued, she realized that her silence was eroding her sense of self-respect. So, she set a boundary. She calmly but firmly addressed the issue, asserting that her contributions deserved the same respect as everyone else's. This act of setting boundaries helped her clear out those emotional "rats" and create a healthier work environment. This was her revolution. Rumbling helps us understand why setting boundaries is hard and gives us the courage to do so in a way that respects both ourselves and others.Unfortunately, sewer rats are not the only issue. We also have the scofflaws— those sneaky parts of ourselves that ignore our own rules and values. Scoffing at laws, get it? These are the moments when we let our ‘integrity’— the ‘I’ in BIG, slip, perhaps by saying something we later regret or compromising our principles for immediate gain. Brené once compromised her own values only to later regret it. But then, Brené engaged in rumbling. She closely examined her actions and thought about the underlying beliefs that led to her compromise. This honest self-reflection helped her acknowledge that she agreed to something against her values only because she wanted to avoid conflict and maintain an image of being easy-going. Rumbling made the situation clear to her and she realized that true integrity means aligning our actions with our core values, even when it’s uncomfortable. By acknowledging and correcting our missteps, we can reinforce our commitment to living authentically.Generosity, the final piece of the BIG puzzle, is about extending understanding and kindness, both to others and...

For rising strong, rumble with common emotions of expectations, disappointment, and forgiveness

So far, you’ve learned rumbling with boundaries, integrity, and generosity. Now we move on to some more challenging emotions. A brief precap? This section is all about rumbling with unmet expectations, how they lead to disappointment and resentment. And how rumbling helps you stay sane through it all. We’ll also explain rumbling with forgiveness, even as you feel heartbroken and grieved. Cool? Then tell us something: Do you also feel that our unmet expectations are often at the heart of our most intense emotions? Like, when life doesn’t go as planned, we’re hit with a wave of disappointment, right? For example, at the school play of Brené’s daughter, the author had high expectations for a perfect evening with her family. However, the expectations quickly unraveled. As small mishaps piled up—forgotten lines by her daughter, a hot auditorium, and her restless younger kids—her disappointment grew. Later, she realized it wasn’t the evening but her rigid expectations that had led to her frustration.This is where the rumble begins— we start to wrestle with our unmet expectations and the disappointment they bring. Because if we don’t rumble with these expectations, resentment begins to fester. But with rumbling, you confront your unmet expectations. In fact, rumbling is a powerful tool to avoid disappointments. When you try rumbling your narratives, you’ll find out what you anticipate from your friends or your partner. Or even from yourself. And why. This way, you prevent disappointment before it takes root.Resentment also results when we expect others to know what we need without us having to say it, and when they inevitably fail to meet these expectations, we feel disappointed. Brené recounts the time when she resented her husband for not stepping up more with household chores. Instead of addressing the issue, she let resentment build. Rumbling with her disappointment meant communicating her unspoken expectations and having an honest conversation with her husband. This not only alleviated her resentment but also improved their relationship, showing how addressing our emotional struggles head-on can lead to growth and understanding - ultimately giving us courage to live authentically and rise strong. Now that we've rumbled with expectations, disappointments and resentment, we must confront other more challenging emotions. Such as…Heartbreak and grief are two of the most challenging emotions to rumble with - to confront and work through. They force us to confront our deepest vulnerabilities. During Brené’s research, a participant described the...

Confront All Your Messy Emotions on the Path to Rising Strong

Navigating the terrain of failure, fear, and regret is like walking through a dark forest—unsettling and full of obstacles. But it is also rich with opportunities for discovery and growth. The only way to see those opportunities is walking through it. The biggest obstacle to this daring is the fear of failure. To truly rise strong, we must first rumble with these challenging emotions - facing fears and vulnerabilities directly rather than avoiding them. If you pour your heart into a project, only to watch it fail spectacularly – the sting of that failure is unimaginable. To add to it, shame and fear of judgment follows. Soon, you’ll find yourself trapped in a loop of self-blame, fueled by perfectionism. But instead of letting these emotions consume you, what if you choose to "rumble" with them? Dig deep to understand where these feelings are coming from. You’ll eventually realize that perfectionism was just a shield you were using to protect yourself from the pain of failure. By lowering that shield of perfectionism, we allow ourselves to be vulnerable. This vulnerability, in turn, opens us up to learning opportunities and personal growth. Instead of seeing failure as a reflection of our worth, we can view it as a valuable part of our journey. Lower that shield and you’ll allow yourself to learn and grow from your mistakes, rather than be defined by them. Sounds impractical? Well, that’s what Brené did and succeeded. So can you! In this context, one of the most moving stories is a deep regret from Brené's past, where she failed to support a friend during a critical moment in their life. This regret haunted her for years, leaving her with a lingering sense of guilt and sadness. To confront this, Brené engaged in a rumble with her emotions, allowing herself to fully experience the pain and sorrow she had been avoiding. She reached out to her friend, offering a heartfelt apology and acknowledging the impact of her actions. Rumbling is like composting—taking the messiness of fear, shame, and failure and turning it into something rich and nourishing. By engaging with these emotions instead of avoiding them, we can transform them into wisdom, strength, and resilience. It’s a process that’s neither easy nor comfortable, but it’s how you’ll rise strong.The next section is going to reveal how the learning from Reckoning and Rumbling can spark transformative change—bringing the Revolution.

Revolution for rising strong

What if your deepest struggles become the very catalysts for profound change? This is the essence of “The Revolution” in Rising Strong. At the heart of this revolution is Brené’s framework of "The 5 Rs"—Respect, Rumble, Rally, Recover, and Reach Out. This method is more than a process; it’s a practical guide for navigating the complexities of our emotional journeys. Respect yourself, others, the journey, and the story we create together. Rumble and engage in open discussions—whether it's about ideas, strategies, decisions, creativity, setbacks, conflicts, misunderstandings, or disappointments. Rally to take ownership of our choices, celebrate our successes, learn from our setbacks, and weave those lessons into our culture and strategies, all while practicing gratitude. Recover by recharging with family, friends, rest, and play. Finally, reach out to each other and the wider community, offering empathy, compassion, and love. At Daring Way - the company where Brené leads, these 5 Rs form the guiding principles for Revolution and they’re rising strong!

The revolution is about transforming how we live and interact with others, moving towards a more open, empathetic, and courageous way of being. Moreover, the revolution extends beyond individual transformation to affect whole communities. Like Brené’s The Daring Way. She designed this program to help professionals guide others through the challenges of vulnerability, courage, shame, and worthiness. Brené even recounts a story about a participant from The Daring Way who, inspired by her own revolution, started a support group in her community. This group provided a space for others to confront their fears and rise strong together, demonstrating how personal growth can ripple out to create collective change.

As Brené notes, “The revolution is the process of taking what we’ve learned about ourselves and the world and turning it into meaningful change.” It’s a powerful reminder that rising strong isn’t just about overcoming adversity—it’s about transforming our experiences into opportunities for profound, lasting change.

Summary

Brené Brown's Rising Strong outlines a three-step process for overcoming adversity: reckoning, rumbling, and revolution. Reckoning is about acknowledging and understanding our emotions. It's like pressing pause on life to check in with your emotional state. Rumbling is the messy middle, where we challenge the stories we tell ourselves. It's like peeling back the layers of an onion, uncovering deeper truths with each layer. Finally, revolution is about rising from the ashes, stronger and more resilient. It's the triumphant return, armed with newfound understanding and courage.

Key concepts in Rising Strong

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About the Author

Dr. Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston, where she holds the Huffington Foundation Endowed Chair at the Graduate College of Social Work. She also holds the position of visiting professor in management at the University of Texas at Austin McCombs School of Business.
Brené has spent the past two decades studying courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy. She is the author of six #1 New York Times bestsellers and is the host of two award-winning podcasts, Unlocking Us and Dare to Lead.

More on: brenebrown.com