If someone is friendly toward you, it is easy to be friendly back? Is that a “no” we hear? Then, we want you to meet our author – Debra Fine. Fine started her business "The Fine Art of Small Talk" to deal with just such issues. The Fine Art of Small Talk teaches conversation skills to those who struggle with it. Believe it or not, people from all professional backgrounds - salespeople, teachers, physicians, stay-at-home moms, and more – could use some better small talk abilities. Fine being one among those. It wasn't until overhauling her life that she cracked the code of becoming a skilled conversationalist. Now, she's sharing the tips and techniques she mastered through observing others and pushing herself out of her comfort zone. So, get ready to banish awkward silences and forge connections that can launch new careers, spark romances, and unlock opportunities you think are out of reach.
All right, that’s enough small talk. Let’s get down to business!
Summary
Becoming a master of small talk simply requires committing to the practice. The techniques here are merely the starting road map. It's up to you to actually lace up those shoes and hit the yellow brick road of putting them into action, time and again. Before long, what once felt like wizardry will become second nature! Just keep practicing and you’ll become a Small Talk Extraordinaire.
Convert To Small Talk
Conversational skills have ripple effects. What do we mean by that? Story time! Once upon a time, Fine found herself nervously exchanging glances with an interesting stranger across a bar, and her bold friend insisted she strike up a conversation - a daunting prospect for the formerly overweight, shy engineer. That decision to introduce herself rippled into an unexpected friendship with that guy, Rex, which lasted a lifetime. So cute! What’s not cute though, is that Fine had assumed Rex...
Childhood Hang-Ups
Okay, we get it - your parents' voices are still ringing in your head from the days when you were in pre-school. "Don't talk to strangers! Wait to be introduced!" All that well-meaning advice was meant to keep you safe when you were a clueless kid. But now that you're all grown up, it's time to get over your mom’s good intentions! Besides, that silence you're clinging to? It's not doing you any favors. In fact, it's costing you big...
Master the Meet and Greet
Okay! This is important. Mastering a room of strangers takes more than just gathering the courage. It's about working that crowd with confidence and savvy. Since we know making the first move is the hardest part, do a quick scan when you enter. Scope out the lone rangers and small groups - those are your prime targets. For trios or bigger groups, play it cool and listen in for a bit before attempting to join their circle. See if you...
Listen Up!
Alright, here's where it gets real - are you truly LISTENING? We're not just talking about using those ears on the sides of your head. Listening, not just hearing, is a full-body experience! Case in point: Fine once had a lunch meeting with a woman. Fine told her some story about her husband and children and minutes later, her lunch partner asked if she was married! An epic listening fail!So, you see, effective listening isn't a passive thing where you...
How Not To Kill a Conversation
Okay, so you've mastered the art of breaking the ice and putting people at ease with your hilarious icebreaker talents. You're smoothly joining groups, making warm introductions. But now what? How do you take things beyond the surface-level chit-chat and delve into more real, meaningful conversation? It's time to dig deeper! See, most of us are conditioned to simply answer, like we’re in Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? We robot through formalities without making any real effort to explore...
Adding more FORM and Substance
Okay, let's dive into one of our favorite conversational tricks - the FORM method! For conjuring killer open-ended questions. Instead of hitting people with a bunch of yes/nos, FORM lets you ask the right questions that'll have people spilling their life stories eagerly.It goes like this: F is for family questions that get people talking about their loved ones and upbringings. Simple stuff like "What was your family like growing up?" or "Tell me about your crazy Uncle Phil!" O...
The Graceful Exit Strategy
The final lesson. Sticking the landing! Knowing how to gracefully exit is just as crucial as your entry. Done right, you'll reinforce that awesome impression and tastefully open doors for future connections. Mess it, and you risk undoing all that hard work.Honesty is best. When you're ready to move on, simply revisit whatever initially bonded you two together - shared interests, someone you knew in common, the company you both work for - whatever kicked things off. Circle back to...
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About the Author
Bestselling author, keynote speaker and communication expert Debra Fine began her career as an engineer, an occupation that allowed her to maintain her natural shyness and avoid situations that required social and personal interactions. Fine is the author of the bestselling book The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills—and Leave a Positive Impression (Hachette), and the second in the Fine Art series, The Fine Art of the Big Talk How to Win Clients, Deliver Great Presentations, and Solve Conflicts at Work (Hachette), both translated and published in 20+ countries around the world. Her newest title, Beyond Texting: The Fine Art of Face-To-Face Communication for Teenagers is to be published May 2014. Fine is a 20+ year member of the National Speakers Association presenting her programs to hundreds of audiences around the world that include Cisco Systems, Google, University of Chicago Booth Graduate School of Business, Texas Association of School Boards, Credit Suisse, Spectra Energy, General Electric, COMERICA Banks, Alaska Forum on the Environment, Johns Manville, and Proctor and Gamble. Her recent media appearances include The Today Show, The Early Show, NPR Morning Edition, Fox Business News and CNN. Fine is a regular contributor to Huffington Post as well as Blogher.com.
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